About Me

Friday, January 20, 2017

#inspiration

haha. i just signed up for a free trial of rosh review cos i was curious. and also... free trial.

and their email confirmation was strangely comforting/ inspiring

Work hard, stay focused, and always have a sense of mission about your work."

on another note, today i'm mugging hand/ nail bed injuries! all those subungal haematomas/ nail avulsions. fun stuff. 

random note to self: foot fractures - metatarsals backslab, phalangeal buddy splint! 

Thursday, January 19, 2017

exam prep #1

day 1 of frcem mugging!

my stats on the qbank is 70%!! and i didnt google/ check the book for answers this time, just educated guessing ;p but then again, i only did 10 anat qns. so the sample size is abit the small. 

and i also learnt how to do median nerve wrist blocks - at the proximal wrist crease, between the tendons of flexor carpi radialis and palmaris longus to a depth of 1cm! 

aim to study at least 15 mins each day of a) basic science (cough frcem) and b) more applied stuff. even though its gonna be a loooong time to reach frcem intermediate, i feel that the stuff is really useful for daily knowledge! every little bit of extra knowledge helps.  i think the exam is pretty applied stuff in a way too. and this way i wont put off studying coz it doesnt help the daily work - cos it will go towards both exam and daily work too! win win. also it makes me happy to learn new things. that's actually the main benefit.

i also aim to finish ALL THE QNS before the exam. hahahahahaha. dont know if that will actually happen. 

my poem


... hasnt found me yet/ when it does, i will be ready

"in blue night/ one indigo idea crawls"

currently on my second day off this week. it has been an AWESOME chillax time. even managed to work in making it for teaching - which was simulation, pretty fun! and went to buy books ( i am definitely addicted to book buying is all i will say)

plans for today include
- studyin nerve blocks (cough frcem cough)
- gym later in the evening
- research of the day

it's funny how life works. i used to study korean for fun (c.f my dozen+ korean books). but nowadays, if i study it, it feels like a waste of time. well i guess technically it is since it's literally for fun, and obviously its not like im going to move to korea anytime soon. but it's something i used to enjoy. (oh no, not enjoying things one used to... sounds terrible hahaha). i guess the drive to improve myself is really taking over my life these days. and not needing to gym much in order to lose weight, is both good and bad? good in the sense that, i dont NEED to spend my life in the gym unlike say 5 years ago, bad in that, gymming is obviously good for one, generally. 

anyway, that said, i'm determined to learn all i can to be a good doctor. it's a never-ending quest. but for these chances that God, and Life has given me, i will be grateful and do my best. like the other night i stayed late to watch a chest tube. it was really fun! not only did the snr teach us, the other reg was guiding him thru it too. and watching it with the nurses and my fellow mo and like 1+am... there was this sense of camaraderie and familiarity. like as a med student, yknow how u always feel very awkward and in everyones way? this was totally different a learning environment. like how nowadays i literally JUMP at every chance to do a procedure like m+r, biers block, i+d, i love those things. esp if you know someone is going to walk u thru it, and this is a great chance to learn (its different if u have to do it all alone for the first time then thats a lil scary hahaHa i agree). 

Sunday, January 15, 2017

incidentally

sunday thus far
- learning about paracet od
- making snail progress - but some progress! on research

discovering the AMAZING incidental comics!!!

some great samples


it was sooo hard to choose
his comics are so awesome!!
i specially love his comics on poetry/ writing/ inspiration or the lack thereof
i think the way he places the linebreaks reminds me of my own poetry. that's why it speaks to me so much. and the PUNS wahaha. altho his is farr better. 


i wish



such a pretty psychedelic mv!

ytd i left my shift feeling satisfied that i did pretty much the right thing by all my pts. ok i didnt meet my quota but i've given up working towards a quota now. HAHA

really grateful to have c in this posting. its great to have someone to mutually download the exciting bits and the angst filled bits of each shift, someone who really literally does understand one. and who most importantly doesnt judge.

now i'm spending my off standby day trying to work off the exhaustion so i can do my researchhh

i think, it is true that God will help us, but at some point we have to help ourselves too

I CAN DO THIS!!!

today i will
- lit review the manpower papers
- make better tables
- print out everything
- go to church (at some point)
- study some emed

things to do at some other point
- sign up (again) for the emed exams qn bank
- draw up a study schedule
- sleep with anat pics under my pillow HAHA
- buy more emed books - literally the only thing in life im looking forward to now. i think i have an addiction to books. or maybe i'm addicted to the idea that, the more books i own, the more knowledge will diffuse into my head spontaneously
- sign up for the emed exams when the registration opens

things i want to do but may not ever do
- go to norway
- go to iceland
- go dog sledding
- go on wilderness medicine courses
- go to nepal
- go skiing

can you say escapism? hahah


Thursday, January 12, 2017

always enough

"Always Enough"

In the dry and weary land
Lord, You are the rain
In a sea of shattered ones
Your love comes rushing in

You hold the world within Your hands
And see each tear that falls
Through every fire and every storm
You're always enough, always enough

Your love is peace to the broken
Strength for the weak
Your love is the anthem of nations
Rings out through the ages
And You're always enough for me

In the watches of the night
Lord, You are my song
Hope is in the morning light
Your love shines like the dawn

You keep my heart in perfect peace
My life is in Your hands
When confusion hides my way
You're always enough, always enough

I'll rejoice for my Saviour reigns
I'll rejoice for He lives in me
God on high, he has set me free
And worthy is the Lord

In the dry and weary land
Lord, You are the rain

~



on light and darkness

the past weekend was the epiphany. it was great. i spent years thinking (thanks to my love of puns) that on the epiphany, i should have a god-given epiphany about my life. and for better or worse, acted on whatever epiphanies i had on that day, throughout the years. this year, i realized that a lot of that was actually my own desires in a way, that i projected onto God. like doing the peds neuro elective as a medical student. i remember it was difficult to arrange and i asked God if i should go ahead with it and i thought? that i should. well on the bright side, i did have a very happy time. that was great. i learnt a lot and i got to know the whole neuro team who were awesome people. obviously however i'm not meant to specialize in peds neuro. haha. so yeah, that may have been me projecting my own desires on it all.

this year, i celebrated the epiphany for what it was. finally.

it's not because of what i've done, 
but because of who You are

"Who Am I" - casting crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart?

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean.
A vapor in the wind.
Still You hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.
And You've told me who I am.
I am Yours, I am Yours.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me?

Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours, I am Yours

~




a few things
1) the quota no longer means anything to me now (oh of course i can't see much fewer pts than everyone else cos that wouldnt be fair haha!). what i mean is, SAFETY is my priority. yes, efficiency, after being safe that is. if i can't see enough to meet these mythical numbers 2-3 mths into this posting (taking out the months i spent in the chillaxED), and i dont get dreamresisdency, then that just means i'm not ready yet for it!! i'm okay as long as i do the right thing for my patients. i do acknowledge that for the past few days i have been seeing quite fast to the best of my abilities and hopefully i have been safe too but i dont really think this superspeed seeing is exactly sustainable for me at the level of experience i have with adult medicine at the moment. of course the more experience i get, the better and faster i will be, i have no doubt abt that. but right now, i think i need a lil more experience first. and it's not really about the exact number. its abt doing the right thing for each pt. 
2)  i'm going to brush up on my knowledge STAT. realize i have a lot of deficiencies in my knowledge. but that can be remedied! i have tons of emed books plus emed has lots of FOAMed resources, there really isnt any excuse. i have a base amount of knowledge and internal flowcharts that i do currently use but i think there is ALOT OF ROOM for improvement. so i'm going to spend like 30mins/day reading around a topic like from the emed black book/ mcem guides/ emed textbks. 
3) and hopefully, God will guide me through this. because without His blessing and grace, there isnt any point for me to even set out on this road. but this i know. that God's mercy is endless and infinite, and He can make all things good. and i'll trust in that. not in human things. yes, i do want to get into residency at some point in my life. but as the years fly by, i think i'm realizing that the narrow door lies somewhere else, not in the endless online portal submissions i've been making. and that, that door is the most important door to get through. whether i can ever make it through that door, i dont know. but i can only try. the rest is inconsequential. but i'll do my best.