About Me

Tuesday, December 6, 2016


as of 630pm currently i have
- 386 anat qns more
- 187 pharmco
- 183 physio
- 53 microb left

which is. um. 800 mcqs. LOL.
okay i aim to do until i have about 250 anat qns (that will mean i did 80% of the anat mcqs), 100 pharm and 100 physio. and microb - i give up lol.

you are more than the sum of your past mistakes/ even the sparrow knows He holds tomorrow

"You Are More" - tenth avenue north

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are, 
What's been done for you? 
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

Well she tries to believe it 
That she's been given new life 
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers 
And she's rehearsed all the lines 
And so she'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try

'Cause this is not about what you've done, 
But what's been done for you. 
This is not about where you've been, 
But where your brokenness brings you to 

This is not about what you feel, 
But what He felt to forgive you, 
And what He felt to make you loved. 

beautiful song as always :)

i think the pre-exam panic is finally setting in

looking back, i realize that it was the day i was praying for guidance as to whether i shld take the part 2a of the mrcpch or the frcem primary, that God showed me my path, right out of a drama (isnt my life always like that...) usually its me going to my friends and asking them "do you think this is a Sign from God?" but this time, it's my friends who told me "it seems like God's trying to tell you something".

so i guess although i would love to pass this exam, the turning point between me being yoked to my past life and setting out on a new road, its a little difficult HAHAHA coz the qns are a little tough (understatement)

but it's okay either way. to have been given this opportunity, to have experienced even a tiny bit of miracle and grace, it has been thoroughly worth it. this exam has given me more than i have given it. it's probably the most grace-filled exam i have ever taken.

but i'll still try, for the next 24hrs, give it my all. that's the most i can do. haha. EVERY POINT COUNTS, that's my philosophy!!

Sunday, December 4, 2016

sunday musings/ angels brought me here

the way father c chuckled today when i went to get pre-exam blessings really cheered me up! haha

one way - magic

550+ more anat qns
220+ more physio qns
2 more patho qns
4.5 more videos


*inner cheerleader

note to self: next yr i must MUST sign up for the SCSM as part of the medical team. MUST MUST. i literally missed it by a few minutes this yr -_- but its prolly a good thing coz... MUGGING

stay with me - goblin ost

random sunday musings

i hereby conclude that internet is top of maslows hierachy of needs
esp if u have an exam in like THREE DAYS

2. transdescendant song from the beautiful tv show goblin (which i havent watched yet due to said internet)

3. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/11/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/

THIS is pretty true

It’s been said that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime.

Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.
Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children. It's a love that looks right.
(note: i dont think my first love appealed to what society thinks is right. AT ALL. hahahaha. unless you count debate, which actually and truly WAS my first love pwahahaha. first love: debate. second love: medicine. third love: emergency medicine. ok that does sum it up quite well). 
The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation. (yup. tell me about it. cross reference: my prolific poetry writing) 
We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before. 
Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high. (the best thing about it is i realized that i shouldnt feel like this way in love ever, or ever again. but yea it can get pretty addicting. hahah)
With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should. (and i promised myself that if that ever happened to me again, i would run a mile. and i also ran MANY miles. haha) 
It’s the love that we wished was right.
And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.
This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.
We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.
It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.
This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.
It’s the love that just feels right.
Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.
Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years.
Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us.
But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.
They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.
But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not.
Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.
We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.
The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.
The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.
And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.
“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown
so beautiful! though i doubt i'll ever find this magical third love. my current obsession is that i will go to NEPAL and practice medicine in the himalayas!! so maybe its good after all not to have found that magical third love. great. 
and on another note, it occured to me that no matter what age i am and no matter how evolved i am, i am still capable of losing my logicalness (haha what logicalness) and saying and doing stupid things when it comes to certain individuals. or maybe i shld make that singular. haha. my brain is saying NO NO NO RUN  but sometimes you CAN'T RUN. i guess my second love taught me alot about running. great, thank you. running is good. if you run far far away, you stop yourself from saying and doing silly things that you regret +++. in my less evolved state, i used to just DO AND SAY  those things. omg. control yo. good things abt being 27! 
on yet another note, i have been drooling over marathons but really havent literally run for nearly half a year! WILL RUN AFTER EXAMSSS
okay plan for today is RESPI PHYSIO and all of anat
ok i think we can start with TRIGEMINAL NERVE and FACIAL NERVE. sounds high yield
studying microb and ulnar nerve with the light of my phone off a weedy mobile data stream at 3am made me feel like those scholars in ancient times studying over candlelight in winter ahaha

Friday, December 2, 2016

jungfrau marathon!!

i keep on running, keep keep on running, to the top (top)
i never stop

in the first light of dawn
i put my sneakers on
i got a long way to go

i see the sun's shining on my way
and it makes me wanna pray- and i say hey

and such a lovely vid. see lots of happy faces mostly speaking german, which i dont understand, but i surmise they are saying what a great run they had? hahah logically.

omg i want to go for this run STAT

although i havent run for about uh, four months minimum. oops.
couch potato to 5k training plans anyone??

random notes to self

by the time i turn 40 years old i wanna run the jungfrau marathon, eiger ultratrail and the zermatt marathon

ok back to regular programming ie: ANATOMY AND THE CARDIAC CYCLE