About Me

Friday, December 31, 2010

NYE

may the upcoming year be full of happy things; starbucks lattes, epiphanies, friends and laughter being some of those ;p may the downs always be negated by ups. may we always finish running our races, never grow tired or upset. may we never feel like we have no one in the world (especially after turning down everyone's invitations, *ahemahem*). may there always be happy things like poetry, good food, interesting lecturers and plenty of gossip fodder and entertaining lunchtimes =p

not sure why everyone is so hyped up about hols this year, but i suppose it's always good to have an extra dose of joy?

i just want to record that as of 31st dec 2010, all my burdens have been lifted; my prayers answered. 2010 was not really an easy year, despite, clearly, good intentions. so for everything to have been resolved neatly and tied up with a bow, is really something.

definitely i know there will be challenges ahead, but i have the strength to overcome them, as best as i can.

this was inspired by the new year's email i just got from a friend, and i am really honoured that he considers me close enough in his circle of friends, considering that we've only known each other for a few months especially! wow. actually, i should be the one thanking you. even though sometimes, i dont trust people and i dont believe in them, you guys always seem to prove me wrong. we have quite a few more yrs to go, so i hope & pray that these friendships we forge will prove enduring :)

listening to: fireflight - unbreakable
God I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there, this time I'm not scared
I'm unbreakable; it's unmistakable
i have been coming to some realizations, and thinking about things, in ways i have not done before.

this isn't anything overtly positive or negative, but it is illuminating.

i think sometimes we tend to forget things easily, being human and only having so much RAM. lol. but in any case, i am glad for whatever triggered off my realizations; it's one step closer to gratitude, understanding, acceptance etc.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

resolutions review

1) be more focused & disciplined: well. er. i tried! can't really say this worked though...
2)control my emotions better & not let them dictate things too much: unfortunately this also sadly failed, but it's only on hindsight; at the time i thought i controlled myself excellently, HAHA. but there were certainly times that i didn't act on things i might otherwise have acted on and i feel that should be recognised too!

3)to not hurt or insult anyone, and try not to let anyone hurt or insult me. : eh. i think this sadly failed. i don't think one can really control these things, but can hope & pray they never occur. and try harder!

4) to trust God more.
i did :) even in my darkest hours, i think it's safe to say i fulfilled this. in fact it's during situations when i felt most confused that i went to church to seek solace and light reams of candles.

5) go for bible study every week: i did!! thanks to my very amusing cell group!! matthew gooi & colin jj low's double duo standup comedy... plus ivy jo hianliang av rae diana eugene charis etc etc. although it may seem superficial to go for company and laughter, i learnt a lot about the bible from it. and i became more consciously nice for it i -hope-. also, i didn't really go primarily cos they're funny, so much so as i felt this aura of love and welcomeness which i've always associated with God, so it felt Right to go, even though its not really a catholic thing.

6) to not take people for granted: : hmm i guess i was better at this at some times more than others. but i was pretty conscious of it. i guess its what you arent conscious about that stumbles you most eh. like if you take it SO much for granted you dont know you're taking it for granted?

7) to run/ exercise moreoh i definitely did this more in year 2 than in year 1!! but it was migitated by going out more to eat also. HAHA. also now its easier to run with more than my own voice of conscience so that bodes well.

8) concentrate on studying and then be able to hang out with friends guilt free
i did this!! i went out loads in year 2 oops. plus some really happening housemates who like to go out to eat and you get this. but it was fun!

not quite nigella

is a lovely blog

today was both nice and quite fml, like when i realised simultaneously upon reaching starbucks and buying coffee that a) my thumbdrive was in school and b) my laptop cant get wifi there. but the people in the research proj are nice! shame we will split into small groups, its really rare to instantly bond with sucha random group of people!! it was a fun meeting. cept its more allergy, immuno than peds so in two minds about it...


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

there's glitter everywhere and its nearly 2am, oh life

also, just had a v interesting philosophical/religious discussion with adam. yes, at nearly-2-am. :D i missed that! it's been soo long since i did something like that. but it was nice to see my brain cells havent actually atrophied.

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY THINGS TO DO?!!
to everyone i am not going to be able to meet up with: i really am so sorry :( please understandd k! trust me i dont like it either!!!

Monday, December 27, 2010

on 2010

jan: the house is getting warmer. flatmates get to come back to a really nice warm flat! :)
feb: lifelong dream of being in a bollywood dance. somewhere around here i also did a project on childhood epilepsy, ie, another of my dreams. wow looking back this month was a dream come true. crazy busy, but really fulfilling.

march: sharon and manyun came & it was exactly like old times! so so glad they shared the last few months of edin with me.

april: Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
may:the day of pablo neruda  - today i can write the saddest lines

june-  dont think june was a terribly happy month. this just drives home the point that material posessions are not enough, cos i was doing all the things i love to do - travel, read, gym, neurology research, and even crashing a bollywood filming site!

july: plans for the future keep solidifying. how am i to get there?? i really don't know. but i will keep trying. i think our prayers are getting wiser.

august: very happening and happy time of meeting up with friends! new and old. manyun's 21st,  playing some card game with may matt colin which was an abdominal exercise in itself ;p lots of girly talk at ps cafe, dempsey with adam, confession + bible study + alot of random stuff with david.  sent the guys off to us also.

Luke 13:24 Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to.

september-oct, my new life began!
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
november: EXAMS, post-exam recuperation & kdramas (runaway plan b haha)

december: christmas carolling, quite alot of cms stuff. this was actually a very happy month.

IN CONCLUSION
its kinda crazy actually, looking back on this year. if someone had laid the events in front of me as i sat blithely in the singapore-london flight somewhere in jan 2010, wow, i would have been wondering how on earth am i going to get through this?!! yeah, good thing no-one did anything of the sort. haha. and indeed i survived! came out smelling like roses, miraculously enough.

2011: i'll finally start clinicals! and be much more wiser and mature and EFFICIENT for the delay. on hindsight i wasted a lot of emotional energy on random stuff this year. and i would really not like to repeat that, but that a lot of the time, these are things you cannot control. so i'm going to -try- to control them as best as i can. my resolution for the year to come is to let go of all the niggling worries and unecessary angst, and to just focus on what needs to be done and enjoy the moment :) and to be more productive!

actually ive given up the idea of peds already. i really want it, but too competitive, and the working life is soo stressful. sigh. well just let God lead me :)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

christmas day

was well-spent :)
spending the last few minutes of it listening to colbie caillat as it rains outside. catching up with some of the lovelies, and more catchingup on the horizon hopefully! CA2? what CA2?

all of christmas was wellspent actually. realised that coz i always take the flight home quite late for some reason, ive spent the past few christmas eves on the plane. and i havent made it to an 8am christmas day mass since forever. i usually go straight from airport --> 6pm mass, with my maroon edinburgh medics hoodie that is now... MISSING. symbolism: 1, eli: 0. i really liked that hoodie!!! oh well, sg's too hot for it anyways.

actually people always say christmas is commercialized; i suppose to some extent it is. but the reality is that everyone makes a special effort to be happy and celebratory on that day; even self-proclaimed atheists would tell you to let loose and have some fun cos it's christmas. ;p

Friday, December 24, 2010

wow that was the most gatsby-eque party i've ever been to!

also, singing is CLEARLY not my forte, and definitely not the alto part nevertheless, want to say THANK YOU and much love to my 3 juniors: clare, rachel and sandesh! for enduring practices (and for clare, actual carolling!) its been really fun. and to my actual batchmates, its been really nice getting to know you guys better :) and christen and edmund/ christen and annthea suanning are very funny hahaha, + jeremy and his EXTREMELY random dissection of jokes. also thanks to the seniors who very strenuously tried to teach clare and me songs on the spot, and who sang into my ear so i could sing into clare's ear ;p and finally; YES we did sing carol of the bells! albeit rather off-timely and off-tunely at some spots, HAHA.

people are coming baaack and i dont know if i have time to meet up with everyone :( sigh. hope it works outt. last night i actually dreamt i was studying, ughhh. one more month to utter dhoom. or rather, one month of torture, a short break, more torture, then CLINICALS. oh please let me just get a b at the end of it all, i dont ask for too much!! and im beginning to think it might be more cost-effective to study at starbucks everyday. as in cost-benefit-analysis wise. HAI. but nevermind, i'm happy for now, yea like happiness is a currency isnt it ;p

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

i'm glad i went for christmas carolling :) christmas is the nicest season of the year i think!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

i'm looking for
a) non-leprechaun gold, preferably at a pot at the end of a rainbow
b) the bluebird of happiness
c) an olive branch

Sunday, December 12, 2010

ughhh

Narnia - Prince Caspian

I HEART Narnia, and CS Lewis. Also, the guy acting Prince Caspian is hot! Hee. Apart from that, the religious themes in it were really quite cool. Some particularly good bits - when Lucy goes into the woods to find Aslan, and he says "why didn't you come earlier?"; she replies "I was too scared to come alone". When they go into battle yelling "For Aslan!!!" and all the scepticism in everyone coz they haven't seen him in like a thousand years. Quite appropriate to the worldview of many these days. The way he roars at the dwarf and how in awe/ embarrassed of his previous scepticism the dwarf is.

And possibly best of all - the Regina Spektor song The Calling at the end when the credits roll.

weekend
I am not really sure what is wrong with me except that I just feel like crap, physically, and spiritually, or whatever. medstudentitis LOL. So I'm just really confused, and I'll get back with this living thing when I've sorted it out. Think its just a phase, and I'll find balance soon enough.

I really did have a stomachache yesterday, which may or may not have been pms, I'll find that out soon, haha. And that sort of wonked up lots of plans. Spent yesterday errr reading xkcd, watching prince caspian, and errr typing up notes on rhinitis (that's ONE SLIDE of the respi notes.) How efficient. The stomachache is STILL HERE, but I figured I gotta get on with life.

So. Bleh.
On the bright side, wrote two essays for merfl! Proud of self for making coherent sentences. Unfortunately I wrote them in the school comp lab then lost my thumbdrive after when I rushed off.

Asked the library staff for lost and found stuff. There was only one thumbdrive, which was filled with a project about zebrafish. How adorable really. Tried to convince myself and them I might have written some poetry about zebrafish, to no avail, since it was a science project. So now Im using a snowman thumbdrive, which ummm needs to be decapitated each time I want to stick it into the usb port. It's quite !! really, similar to my pink teddy bear thumbdrive in jc cept maybe WORSE. It's all quite oryx and crake really.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

pbp fun continued

breast examination lesson:
patient, to random guy examining him (plastic breasts were used): you need to know your women better

fundoscopy lesson:
tutor: so... look at the patient's right eye with your right eye. if not, you'll look like you're kissing the patient *procedes to demonstrate on d*

otoscopy lesson:
tutor: so what's this diagram?
*everyone stares blankly*
tutor: nah just kidding, trying to see if anyone really copied everything off the whiteboard

dont even get me started on the whole shebang of cancelled tutorial, everyone going home/ to mr bean in holiday euphoria, then suddenly alll getting called back to crash a tutorial, causing the actual group to wait outside for 10 minutes and general confusion. but the tutor was really funny and it was actually quite funny

like how, when we sucessfully convinced them to let us crash, then we all sat in the room, and someone said 'actually, why did we fight so hard to have the tutorial today?' and everyone was like 'oh ya... why ah??'

heh. it was quite a good day :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

love the way you lie



this is :D
the guy is soo cute heh

teenage dream is already fantastic by itself, but somehow when that guy is there singing his guts out, it's like drops of... golden rain, for lack of a better expression

and... yes. i am having a reaally happening monday night. hey its practically hols! time to chillax ;p

only thinking of good things - SNSD

for awhile i felt a tad annoyed that i wasnt living the same conventional life everyone else is living. but then i realised a few things
a) convention is relative
b) not everyone shows every single emotion at every point in time
c) being me basically takes away the chance of being normal and mainstream. seriously, if i was a salmon, i'd never swim in the middle of the stream ;p

last weekend's ripples in the ocean made things very strange indeed. drama, don't i lurrve drama. well im bored now, so, i guess, yes. but no i dont want it back it's okay!!

hoidays are coming, holidays are coming, holidays are coming!!
going to make COOKIES, GINGERBREAD, study at staaaarbucks + go to borders & page 1 with huishan hopefully. dance! run! watch all the movies i've been meaning to watch. and do the hundred and one things i simply haven't thought of yet

a few more pbp clinical sessions and we're DONE woots. most tiring semester ever, but one in which i learnt the most about medicine, life, love (basically, that it doesnt exist), and friendship (the jury is still out on the existance of this one. can only be done as a friendship post-mortem which defeats the entire purpose. but then you can sit somewhere under a tree and feel happy warm fuzzy that you have the capability to make great friends plus retain them for > 5 minutes!!), and Meeting New People

it is FUN actually. when i say meeting i dont mean brush past people without a second look as everyone streams out the lecture theatres. i mean chance meeting of people and exchanging... i dunno... friendly greetings HAHA its beginning to sound like meeting aliens on the moon. but when you get to know people a little better, it's really nice :) and i hope to do more & more of that. it's nice to have the Potential to bump into more people, like the random guy we were chatting to in the medsoc room. like how rach my junior happily waved to me at playhouse (i think she was high after a good performance heh. but still. it's niice). like how i'm talking to my current cg more coz we all just see each other SO much. (patho tuts and practs monday AND friday, anyone?! nonstop pbp practice as if the exam is tomorrow??) and then people i keep meeting when they shuffle the groups around and chat to as we walk down from the tutorial rooms/ random far-away harvey simulators.

my conclusion: life is like brownian motion, and everything tends towards entropy.
also, that mathematicians produce equations from coffee
heh. random but just had to say that

Sunday, December 5, 2010

psalm 27

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.


4 One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

the thing i hate most is justifying the actions of others who have done me wrong, when actually im hurting most of all about it to begin with. i hate justifying why im not living up to expectations when truth is... I DONT KNOW EITHER.

:)

just talked to m on msn. it made me remember how, in loads of not-so-fun times last year, i talked to him and suddenly it all became better. i think one thing we both have in common is the ability to make really shitty stuff become funny, and that's sth i really treasure about my friendship with him. like i will never let myself degen into pessimism coz it doesnt fit the tone of the convo? or even if i go, him being him, will confirm say something funny. LOL

thanks m, for helping me keep my sanity all those times, more than id imagined. really do appreciate it.

selective memories

on a day when you feel like everything is spinning out of control... then you should only record the happy things. also i think this is pms so. yes. perspective.

1. BEATLES (playhouse)
2. bubble tea :)
3. bad romance (the song benny did for street jazz today :):) ITS BEEN SO LONG. love love)

dear cg mates, even though we were uberr chill and as a result are randomly fishing around for sister cgs, i still love you guys!

notes for self improvement
1. FIND MY MAKEUP. OR BUY IT. whatever it is, NEVER take another picture sans mascara/ eyeshadow. goodness.
2. never eat ever again (tough. but it might also help with the fact that i am now BROKE. thanks to the 50 dollar talleys book...)
3. go back to the being a nice person thing. i suppose it can get annoying if someone is attempting to be saintly and clearly fails on many counts, but id rather risk being considered hypocritical than not try at all, & at my lowest point, know that not only do i not have a thousand things, i dont even like what i see when i look into my own soul.

Friday, December 3, 2010

grr



exams. kicked ass. nuff said.
oh that wasnt too clear, i meant it kicked MY ass

but i can handle this shit. and i WILL.

on the bright side, i didnt fail! yay.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

the catalyst

listening to: linkin park - the catalyst

today i am grateful for being able to sit here in this air-conditioned lt, bumming on my laptop and listening to songs i love whilst waiting for lectures to start. i don't KNOW if this shebang is coming to an end, but possibly, it might be. signing of peace treaties. i don't TRUST. and i dont trust enough to trust.

k sent a sweet fb msg. as in the fact that he bothered to send it was sweet :) "now that you've been away for awile lets reflect on things" HAHA oh where do they make these dudes.