About Me

Sunday, July 31, 2011

first call

first call, and it's on sunday! if i'm not wrong, my second call is on national day or something. LOL. clearly i have great call luck

anyway it was great! didn't see any open fractures unfortunately (coz the point is to see what you can't usually see when going around clerking people?!) but i learnt A LOT in just 7 short hours. and i saw probably around > 7 patients which is SO MUCH MORE than i usually see (so, for me = ACCOMPLISHMENT). some of the more unusual things i saw included central cord syndrome and compartment syndrome. and anyway, it's really good that there werent any trauma patients (although, given my luck, i'm sure they all got admitted after i left...) though. good to have less accidents!!

but not just that, everyone was really nice & kind to me, and even asked me to go out with them for dinner (although i stayed behind to clerk patients/ read up jo & li's for the upcoming osce). and they let me clerk patients with history & all and present to them, and pointed out to me what i missed out on. that is to say, a lot.

ARGH can you believe, up to this point, i still don't ask for drug allergy? and their caregivers? and for LL problems, you should ask if they can weight bear! and a hundred other things. it's just really good practice to have people point this out to you, okay, i sound really dumb now hahaha but you'd be surprised at how much you just let slip by on a normal basis if there isnt someone to check up on you. i have lots to work on :)

MY was giving me a really good tutorial on OA knee and literally stopping me after every sentence, correcting me sentence by sentence, and making me repeat the correct version after her. luckily she then went off to handover her patients to her friend cos i realized i had taken an extremely inadequate history (of oa knee. sigh. some people just never learn!) & i was soon going to gg.

and there was some blood-taking going on. i COULDN'T EVEN DRAW BLOOD. as in. the old lady's skin was so rubbery that i couldn't go into the skin :( i should have stretched the skin. :( but anyway. it's best to spare her the pain. then the 2nd time was a really difficult case where the guy is INCREDIBLY scared of needles. he was actually biting his blanket cos of the pain >< so the ho did it all since clearly it is difficult and i am soo not zai and blood taking.

but most of all, i am SO impressed with the zai-ness of the HO!! she is so zai, and yet so good with her interpersonal skillz, and knows her stuff so well! as in she isn't just academically good but also good at the practical things. i decided that I WANT TO BE LIKE THAT (duh who doesnt). so very inspiring night :)

actually she reminds me of manyun/ wang kang muchly so very good memories also. haha!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

romans 8:28

one of the most comforting verses ever. ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD.

if you ever loved somebody put your hands up
and now they're gone and you want to give them everything

- nelly, just a dream

Friday, July 29, 2011

TKR

I scrubbed in for the first time this week! And I wore this spacesuit like thingy and washed my hands for real so it really does matter if you rub 30 times or whatever. And I assisted! And there was cake from bengawan solo after, and then I got a lift home.

Wow. Seriously. Sometimes you think life just can't get any better :D

I think I can handle surgery generally, but I need to watch more to get desensitized & immune to all the blood. the first tkr I watched I was pretty freaked out about all the scary drills and screws and things. The second time round, up close when someone is explaining every step to you it makes loads more sense, and is less scary. So yay, I don't have to rule surgery out as a career choice :) I actually loved being in the ot, I think I could do it forever. But that said, ortho surg and gen surg is different. I'll just have to camp in the OT during my surg SGH posting, and mug up loads during our LOOONG fam med break.

Also, I don't think my nuh mentor will forget my name anytime soon HAHAHA oh dear. I've only known him for a week but he's really nice! And very pro. I never knew there were so many causes for a painful foot. Also I never knew what was the AFTL before this week. Oops. I'm really good at foot & ankle now. However if i get foot & ankle exam for BOTH mini-cexes i might actually cry hehh. it must be srsly so rare to get it for both mini-cex that it's quite hilarious if that did transpire. With luck I'll FINALLY get OA knee ;p

BUT the thing that's making me pee my pants (ie have pseudo cauda equina) is the OSCE IN ONE WEEK'S TIME. I left early to type out notes & sort out some stuff today and haven't quite finished beating myself up about it sigh. So then I thought, next week I will be SO ON!! but then i realised im on call on sunday.... so.... WIN. Either I just gorge myself on paos to invoke call-luck and hope cases come in before 11pm-midnight when i go home to sleeep or... just accept my TOUGH LUCK yo.

oh well. It's pretty fun studying new stuff anyways. I love reading about random esoteric stuff or stuff I never knew about, like lunate/ perilunate dislocation. That's my new obsession now. I found so many pics of it!

so yep actually was feeling quite -_- but thinking about the cool day i helped with surgery and was actually useful for once makes me uber happy (fineee i just held the retractors like a good medical student. but i uhm pushed the tibia forward with a metal thing! does that count?). OHOH and during the peds ortho slides teaching i answered a lot of qns correctlyy :)

speaking of the peds ortho session, my friend was falling asleep, and at one point i was sleeping too
tutor (yells): hey! do you need coffee or something?!
me *jumps up guiltily*: sorry!!
tutor: oh, were you sleeping too?
me: oh no no no

lol this happened TWICE. talk about guilty conscience. i really liked the peds ortho sessions though. lots of interesting info given at high density!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

you know, it is so easy to commit everything to medicine, and let all the balls you are juggling fall to the ground. i mean this generally

let me rephrase that: it is HARD enough putting in the effort to find out everything you want to know and everything you are supposed to know, and, you should probably not expect to be everything you should be

i'm just saying, to say it is a hard balance is an understatement

and that's both so startlingly sad, and yet brilliantly so. to find something that makes you want to give up so much of your own leisure time and all the things you feel you need to do as a human being, no just that you FEEL YOU MUST DO not cos you have to, there is no second thought even required. that's awesome isn't it. as in, you COULD just go and bum around and have fun but definitely something somewhere will suffer

hai, i have no solution that is a panacea. i dont know what others will choose, but i know for me i will always choose the middle ground. i will always choose to be subpar in everything all round. because every single thing is like a precious jewel to me. i have bartered before, everything for each other, and i was never happy. i am only happy when i have it all (HAHA. I GUESS).

just some random thoughts from reading the fb of surg people who look really busy haha. i think for me it's a sort of... generalized laxity LOL. i just dont fulfil most things in general. but it's just a thought - would i ever give up everything for say, the residency of my choice? the answer is - probably not. but i trust in some Higher Up Fate and Kindness of the Universe to give me something that justifies the strongly magnetic call to medicine i felt :)

sorry for the convuluted thoughts, i feel really strongly about this issue

Monday, July 25, 2011

a not average day in ortho surg

super exhausted. i actually spent 12 hours straight in the hospital, which is REALLY RARE.

7am - not-hand rounds (but research = interesting!)

830am - everyone went to their tutors' clinics, so i was left aaaall alone to clerk BUT i managed to clerk a really nice aunty with spinal stenosis & a case of septic arthritis. good stuff. i just hope it wasnt mrsa cos i talked really long with that guy, he was so friendly and obliging!! it really helps to start by walking around and sees who smiles back at you, then take it from there. LOL.

10+ i decide that clinics are probably better since osce is in 2 weeks time, but then i find out from the friendly mo in my team that the guy i was going to join has gone off to phuket...

soo i join this spine doctor, which was a good move :) saw 2 cases of cervical spondylosis/ DDD which was useful cos previously i only saw lumbar spondylosis and the associated exam. and i got to listen in on the cervical myelopathy history taking + the physical exam. the MO was really nice and kept teaching me stuff esp when waiting for the consultant to come in from the other clinic room. and i met this ADORABLE little girl from china who was v shy at first but sort of warmed up (since we were both perched on the examination couch during the entire hist taking/ PE of her relative). at first she totallyyy daoed me but after a bit she started talking about her school/ vacations, etc etc SO CUTE. (sigh, when things like this make your day, you KNOW WHAT YOU ARE CALLED TO DO). then the other group comes in since their tutor is the consultant, ending my ninja clinic morning sigh

12+ i somehow find an AWESOME peds ortho case (again, i really need to stop this obsession... or study harder to be on deans list. hm. i think i'll go with curing my obsesssion). and it is. really. awesome. again i miss a glaring physical sign cos i was so happily chatting with the patient and talking about the obvious stuff -_-
i did try to ask him abt the op but he didnt really seem to know
me: so why are you in hospital this time? for what operation?
dude: i don't know man, the professor said i should do an op and yeah i'm ready!!

v rushed lunch and
2-3 hand tutorial

THEN
3-7: foot & ankle clinics
ZOMG. it was so long!! and i never heard of the structures discussed EVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE. it was pretty nice having company around & discussing our differential diagnoses/ working out why the patients had symptoms/ trying to figure out anat! and it wasn't really their fault either! and also i might have zhaoed earlier left to my own devices. hahaha. i really learnt a lot today :) and saw achilles tendon rupture, and a positive simmonds test! and a patella tendon rupture! and heberden's nodes!

haha no idea why i just documented today. possibly cos it's like my MOST HARDWORKING day ever thus far in clinical medicine. and one of the days in which i feel like i learnt a lot, both actively (clerking) and passively (seeing signs, PE to emulate in clinics) :):) and made some more friends! Life has taught me to treasure the moment when you find that someone who is just a hibye friend is actually a Cool Human Being, and i have been having alot of those moments lately, with many different people. i really appreciate having the chance to do that. now making friendships -last- is a different matter haha but i also think that sometimes it is just dependent on the time and fate. yep.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

into the night sky

lol i think i need to be more organized. i managed to renew papa apleys 2 mins after midnight on the due date, after 20 minutes of frantically searching all my emails and login things for the library pin. and then only realized that saturday meant... SATURDAY ie i had to do my bit for the bones & joints infection presentation. and actually if i only present the list of differentials it'll take me like < 5mins, so i actually went to do up the way to differentiate all the differentials -_- oh well sleep is for the weak i suppose

good things!
1. kaya waffles for breakfast on saturday. that's GUARANTEED to get you out of bed

2. saturday jazz dance!! :) the teacher got me up to be his partner tho and i haven't been to dance for agesss so the bits between what i'd learnt already and what he was teaching yesterday were urghh. but anyway it was fun! also, we are DONE WITH LADY GAGA'S JUDAS, YAY! i was sort of not-going to avoid that song haha. but the actual dance is really awesome. i heart jazz so much! i only wish there was a jazz dance class every single day!! there probably is in dance studios like studio wu etc but i dont have so much $$ unfortunately. clearly i need to win the lottery or spontaneously become a millionare...

3. the main computer's internet recovered from its spinal shock... or was it lower motor neurone lesion? LOL. anyway whatever it is, i am glad for its mysterious regenerative powers.

sigh ploughing through anat now. i dont reaally know why i'm studying it, in case i'm asked i suppose... i prefer the actual clinical stuff but then when someone asks about what nerves supply the sensation to xxx area then i'm totally lost so CLEARLY i need to brush up. only it's more like starting a new van gogh than filling up little gaps in knowledge. but i LOVE MEDSCAPE. it's like my new bf. and it has all these less common diseases too in great detail like blount's ds/ myositis ossificans, etc.

off to enjoy the rest of my weekend in whatever way i humanly can :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

2ne1 - i am the best

2ne1 is REALLY the best

case in point:


today managed to study in the medsoc lounge (the new one) which is really nice! and i could hear the m4s discussing playhouse behind me the entire time. it was actually pretty nice distraction since i was transcribing notes not really doing stuff requiring lots of brainpower and it was nice to hear people discussing theatre & playwriting stuff. can't really list the stuff they mentioned cos that would probably be invasion of privacy LOL but suffice it to say many of my fav playwrights were mentioned!

then i took 1.5 hrs to come home, oh well. let's not harp on that. its slightly ridiculous that changi is more convenient than nuh for me even though its SO FAR AWAY -_- but at least i spent the whole morning in clinic & saw some good cases! well, one really good one that even the mo got excited about. let's just pray that picture comes out for osse hahaha. and then we had a tut on oa knee which was pretty good, altho it would have been improved if i wasnt falling asleep half the time, and nodding over-enthusiastically and volunteering answers randomly in an effort to stay awake. but the nap in the medsoc lounge was BRILLIANT. the couch is uber comfy and the cushions too.

anyway. watch the 2ne1 mv, it's awesome!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

huzzah

got good news today! well, as good as it can get. i might just have signed myself up for public humiliation HAHA but nah i trust in God. i can see His hand in this, or at least i certainly hope so... anyway, it was good fun yesterday, and hopefully more to follow! there is certainly an amount of expectation to live up to, but its really an honour and i'll definitely do my best :):)

also i bought yakult for a really nice patient we clerked with a v cool disease. i think once we start work as doctors there is relatively less time to just chat with patients so we should really treasure the time we get to do this as medical students. i felt so happy that i could give him something small back in return for the chance to learn from him.

and my tutor is coming back from mauritius soon! it should be cool, but also i am anticipating an anatomy onslaught which i am ILL-PREPARED for. trying to remedy that now >< my 2nd tutor is really nice though. and trauma is my first love. and he buys us coffee and chocolate crossaints from delifrance after morning rounds. and he's irish! also we had a really good tutorial today on how to triage ortho emergencies and which to deal with first and what to do for each

okay i think i'm just high from endorphins since i just came back from the gym which hasnt happened for AGES. and happy, cos of the Good Thing that happened. just want to say, i really thank God for it. HOWEVER the litmus test is the next 3 weeks. kinda excited & nervous & trying to mentally sort out what i must do & when. but i know that the most important thing is to... keep calm and eat cupcakes LOL

AND i also have to prepare my part for the bone & joints seminar.
this is going to be innnnnteresting

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

one more chance - csjh

ephesians 2:5
even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—


today i was made aware of what God's grace means. there are so many transgressions one can make in one day and yesterday was NOT my finest hour, nope. today i was really really blessed beyond belief. except maybe the part where i accidentally sneezed when i was reading my friend's apleys when waiting around for stuff. SIGh

anyway i want to remember this forever, this knowing beyond belief that God is guiding me. i dont really get it that often, haha, but today, at that exact moment, i just KNEW

from the standard translation on the android app i downloaded:
we were dead because of the wrong things we had done. He made us alive with Christ. You have been saved by his love and kindness.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

bread love and dreams

main point: dont get distracted from the main points! life has been funky lately

on another note, i felt compelled to share my notes with my cg randomly and THE NEXT DAY MY COMPUTER CRASHED. hahahaha. thank God, really

Saturday, July 16, 2011

awesome stuff
1. had butterfly for lunch yum
2. I CAN GET STARBUCKS WIRELESS ON MY PHONE
3. this mv



2pm in singapore!! well, i guess for a group that markets themselves as "the hottest time of the day", it suits them to film their mv in a place with eternal summer lol. except it's quite odd to see them jumping around with champagne... and construction cranes in the background?! that said, i LOVE the white yacht, and the boys... and their dancing... AHH basically everything. imma going to marina now to find a yacht...


is also awesome. i love the parts when bom is singing about saturday night. even if my saturday nights actually involve ortho heh

starlight moonlight



the flowers have blossomed beautifully
a beauty i overlooked in my obsession for you
i enjoyed the books i read
words that held no meaning or comfort in the past

all the lovely things around me
were hidden behind the world you embodied
only now do i discover this
after fighting across my river of tears

the break of dawn is coming
i have the desire to love again
i want to dream again

i want to live a solid and steady life oh

when the tears stop it'll just be another memory

even if i get hurt in the process a thousand times
i have the will to heal again
i'll find my composure once again
i'm so over you

Friday, July 15, 2011

galaxy

the name i loved by SHINee's onew

everyone always tells me its not love. well, i guess.

please understand the days
when i had no choice but to love you
a love that was never realized
is still love

i know that i no longer
want to impose my feelings on you

beacause i realize that i cannot love you
even though you are so close to me

i cannot endure any longer
because it will never happen

the name that i once loved
travels further away as i call it

and in a column of my chilled heart
only your scent remains

lie to me

the love for you that i held on to so tightly
is slowly dissappearing
the me that went crazy missing you
is slowly changing

like falling tears
my love is slowly dissappearing

~

such beautiful lyrics. changi ortho has ended! and on that note to my cg mates reading this, this isn't about who you think it is, hahaha. i'll really miss changi ortho though. it was relatively relaxing (i'm given to believe it's more xiong in other places) and the people were actually really nice! although we only started getting to know the HO's etc better on the last day, hahah

since it was the last day honestly h and me were pretty bimbo today, no holds barred. LOL. also i <3 my cg! and it was a uber packed day. morning trauma rounds + clerking a guy with an ACL tear + slides teaching (painful but GOOD) + ambulatory clinic with the head of ortho + fixing my internet (a wholeee story in itself)

some stuff also happened which, lets just say, the run afterwards was good to clear my head. i used to think that facing the truth etc is awesome but uhm honestly i think focusing on the impt things and ignoring things u dont like to think about is THE WAY TO GO. it may be really escapist but thats fine. i've been living really happily all this while (infact i cant remember a time when i was happier) & yep i'm totally content like this so

its not about wineskins so much as WINE. about EXCESSES. anyway, i think all should be well soon. just feeling ridiculously emo on such a happy laughy day as this. GRR. somemore when i experienced such kindness from someone GAH i just wish happiness & consolation didnt happen so concurrently in my life sometimes. but then maybe The Universe knew, i needed it.

when i was recounting my AWESOME yesterday (got ankle and foot which is the only PE i don't know how to do, for MINI-CEX, then the person giving me a lift home got lost due to my bad directions, then when trying to fix my wireless the internet died, then i sucked up my friend's week's worth of wireless batt when i borrowed it to charge my phone (which died mysteriously..)), h told me that maybe all the bad things are over... well... clearly not. SIGH.i swear. i've never killed any small fluffy animals before. why am i not spared this.

i think, soon enough as the hour ripens, the words will fall out of my mouth like champagne grapes.

my love, it ends right here
stuck in my throat, i couldn't say it

Saturday, July 9, 2011



the quality of the vid is quite crappy but hey these things are like that

Friday, July 8, 2011

cats

happy things
1. i have a smartphone! and angry birds and medscape and all the rest of it. it is AWESOME. in the return of the innenduoes ie slippery slope nooo, i was trying to understand how the wifi emmitting thingy works (cos my cg mate has a wifi thingy i can use to do internet stuff with), so i was like "you mean as long as xx is around i can do anything i want" LOL which clearly everyone took the wrong way ;p

2. too many hilarious moments. e.g after hearing the reg and the nurse talk about cat scans, my cg mate turned to me and asked "why are they talking about cats ah"... "OH. no wonder! for a moment i thought he was a vet too". HAHAHAHA. there's more but for another time and place.

3. i love learning about medicine in general and i love the logic behind ortho. althoughh i think the actual ortho surg is a bit too... violent, involving too much drilling & sawing etc. it's still awesome though. watched a total knee replacement but then unfortunately had really bad stomachcramps (unrelated to the op, not like a vasovagal reflex or anything). and then i came home and got a new phone the next day YAY cos no one can hear me over the phone half the time

4. PEDS ORTHO was so fun! firstly it was like a holiday from the chalet cos i had clinic in the morning (lots of scoliosis patients) and then slides teaching in the afternoon. secondly... KIDS. SO CUTE. NEED I SAY MORE. then they brought us to look at the plaster casting + removal. the kids are all happy and jolly when they come in but then when the saw starts coming near... cue waterfalls and lots of screaming. one kid was ineffectually saying "no more, no more, enough!" aurgh talk about heartbreakk. so i gave him chocolate! he stopped crying and came back to thank me later. *dies of cuteness overload*. unfortunately wire removal for supracondylar fracture >> blue-wrapper chocs so oh well hey i tried. the funny thing is they dont really cry until they see the wire sticking out of their arm, then all hell breaks loose. i guess it would freak anyone out really heh. anyway i just really enjoyed it and it strengthened my resolve x100. also the doctor i was following was really kind and jolly and his regs were very friendly (although i possibly traumatised one when i pointed to a patella on x ray and said it was an osteoid osteoma...) so it was overall lovely.

5. yesterday had the chance to go to ambulatory clinics with a different tutor cos i missed my usual one due to peds ortho and WOW that is the kind of doctor i want to be. he's such a people person and so jolly and gets along so well with everyone and puts everyone at ease. it's really amazing. the guy was chatting about all sorts of financial stuff (random lol) and the doctor was like "continue, continue, that's the most important part of today!" lolll. apart from that you can just see that he's totally pro. and also we witnessed some stuff which was a good learning experience i think, in the morning.

BASICALLY apart from the fact that my knowledge bank is still veryyy little like around 15%, hey at least it's fun doing what i'm doing! also today after some mind-blowing lectures i made some new friends just by randomly bumping into fellow m3s at the lib/ on the way back. although as usual i was talking all sorts of nonsense -_- but it was nice! and i borrowed big apleys! ahaha. i feel so powerful now, in the sense that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. anyway yeah this is just a stopgap since i cant for the life of me think of a pithy new address and these are things i want to remember :)

also!
BOOKCASES, alfresco dining, fruitcake

these are some of my favourite things :):)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

scarecrow



guess i'll still post youtube vids here lol