About Me

Saturday, December 31, 2011

nye



wow i'm speechless.. i think rain deserves every accolade he has and probably much more. he is just fantasticness embodied.

and to prove that he STILL has it, this is a more reccent vid
LOVE. ~ happy new year's eve everyone :)

Friday, December 30, 2011

overview of 2011

the first line of the first post of each month [using discretion, like half my posts seem to be OMG BIG BANG WON AN AWARD! or zomg i am so tired here goes a youtube video. this is amazing! awesome! hot guys with sixpacks!! no actually i never say the last one... haha. but on that note i swear the today newspaper folks keep talking about kpop actors and their abs. like. "there are two reasons to watch this movie. won bin, and his six-packs." ohhh-kay, well i understand where they're coming from!] so then i chose something that reflected the month better haha

so here goes!
jan: is ridiculously tired, and it's only the first day of school...
feb: my post-ca treat was splurging on books! yeah, okay, i've had rather a lot of post-ca treats. it was reaally traumatising!!
mar: There are two kinds of happiness in the world. One is a happiness that you realize after the fact. The other is a happiness that you feel in the moment.

april:
me: hey have you seen michael?
classmate: *stunned look* do you mean meckel's diverticulum?

may: dinner parties are EXHAUSTING. particularly when you have to find the teacups & teapots & sugar halfway through the thing.

june: you know it's going to be good, when you unexpectedly meet the person who showed you that every single chance encounter was for some greater good you couldnt see at the time.

july:
happy things
1. i have a smartphone! and angry birds and medscape and all the rest of it. it is AWESOME. in the return of the innenduoes ie slippery slope nooo, i was trying to understand how the wifi emmitting thingy works (cos my cg mate has a wifi thingy i can use to do internet stuff with), so i was like "you mean as long as xx is around i can do anything i want" LOL which clearly everyone took the wrong way ;p
[note: THEY ARE STILL SAYING THIS!! haha.]

aug: Today was good =) I'm really learning tons everyday. What scares me is that it's not enough, yknow like too little too late?!

september: Happy is happy but im totally burnt out..
They say you need to talk to pts to learn but wasting good cases on my ignorance = ugh

[note: i have 2 words... INTERNAL MEDICINE]

october: GEN MED IS OVER WHOOPEE
i've never been so glad for anything to be over. oh wait, ortho. oh wait, year 2 exams... lol ANYWAY.

november: :)
"you did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you"
John 15:16

december:
"whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you" John 15:16
PAEDS EOPT IS OVER!!!
~
 
also... HOW did the year go by so fast?! it's been a lovely year, all said. many moments of stress, EXAMS, etc, but also many new friends made, new experiences, new lessons learnt about Life & things. not so sure about medicine... HAHA. seriously pple keep teaching us about Life. i pretty much liked it.
 
my resolutions for next year are... too many really. i get obsessive abt list-making & making resolutions. once i made a calender for my gen med posting coz its so confusing w/ all the different tutorials everyday, and left my notebook in the mo room. when i returned, some m5 guy was looking at my notebook going WOW WHOSE IS THIS, SO ORGANIZED! heheh
 
1. LEARN TO DRIVE. or rather, to park/ reverse etc. i can drive in a straight line okayyy
2. bake more! this yr i baked 2 choc cakes & 1 cherry pie hahaha so proud of myself
3. not so much about studying more as being more efficient at what i actually am studying. and erm put it in a format that either i can rmb it or i can retrive it the night before whatever big exam hahaha. its always so confusing with notes everywhere man. or maybe i need to upgrade my brain's RAM...
 
4. break 2hrs for a marathon. okay. this is pretty much impossible. bwahaha
5. run more! i really really should. but i like to sleep in in the mornings. sigh.
6. be a better person
 
i think i totally have improved on the friend front. ask any of my friends! i havent pangsehed anyone since foreverr, altho this is mostly coz i now only say yes if i can make it (DOH). and also since, apart from the nus pple, most of my friends are studying overseas HAHA so theres noone to pangseh. and i met up w pple so many times this hols :D grin. i am becoming a HUMAN BEING peoplez. ok wait there's still the 3rd jan edin thingy, please do not foil me idiopathic stomach cramps!! haha but no seriously its definitely easier if people arent asking u to hang out every week. and plus for my cg mates i see them everyday, non-pangsehable coz i'm in trouble if i skip school right haha so yea. oh tt reminds me i resolve to DECREASE THE PUNS/INNENDUOES. or maybe just not say them in public places. okay that sounds even worse. okay i give up. HAHA
 
and after 2 weeks of slacking i realize i LIKE being busy, if only it didnt also come with the SIDE EFFECT of being so freakin exhausted the whole time. you dont say. anyway we still have like 1.5 more mths of fam med + 2 more weeks holiday, so, i think its more of slacking than busy craziness for me. BUT I REALLY SHOULD STUDY for the final exams. something tells me it's gonna be scaaary shit.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

amazing race

have spent the past 1.5 weeks running all over sg doing random stuff hahah. like going to kovan to play badminton, lots of last-min christmas lunches & dinners, caroling, etc etc. and baking! ok i only baked once, but i spent soo much time dithering over whether to do it or not (typicall). and even went for the kids christmas pageant! ok thaT was really totally random. anyway yea so it was like exhibiting cuteness overload x 100 e.g kids dancing to bruno mars but not really like pyrotechnic pro-ness, haha, i guess its hard to train kids to do anyth so i understand the organisers' difficulties in putting up the pageant! i was DA-ing a kid behind me when everyone was standing up to look at the crib or sth. so freaaking cute! i think the kid was kinda shy tho hahahaha i was quite scared she would loudly burst out crying in the middle of church ;p the pageant was gd in the sense that it makes you realise kids are innocent and more christlike than hardenedworldlytraumatisedangsty grownups, and u dont realise this until u are one of the aforementioned grownups, so, kinda ironic/ inevitable reaally. if only they had like...a STORYLINE or something, woulda been better.
and i keep getting co-opted into things randomly, like i dont think i planned my holidays that closely, infACT my plan was just to CHILLL not run everywhere like a headless chicken. oh well. maybe its just that the chilling doesnt imprint itself onto my memory. seeing as i sleep in like craazy everyday & have been computergamering uber much, i guess i've effectively slacked off! hehe.

macarons! i now have most ingredients except PIPING TIPS. grah pretty macarons, i want

also i have like 4 mths + to sort out an elective for the end of yr 3. ARGHHH. ok i know its totally unimpt but HELLO its 1 month of my life, id like to do something useful with that time thanksss. and btw the restrictions are really... grah.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

wishes

somehow, i feel this great sense of relief. it just feels like God pulled me back from the brink of something. i still think it was the right thing to do to try, definitely, 100%. i couldnt have lived with myself if i didn't. but to actually go ahead and do it is a baad idea

life does work in funny ways. but this time, its funny good

anyway just finished the kids xmas party caroling. :) it was pretty good! got to know some of my batchmates better since i literally didnt know ANYONE there before. okay maybe know as brief accquaintances but never talked to them before much. and seriously the guitar-playing santa claus dude was AWESOME. like firstly his guitar skillz are ++ and also he was like "ho.ho.ho. i am santa claus" HAHAHA we found the extra clarification hilarious. rather like terry prattchett's santa claus (check out hogfather). anyway the kids really loved him. there's something about being a child and santa i guess! anyway i have respectt for the people organizing, think they are doing a v gd job & sth meaningful indeed. and they have the coolest gift boxes. if i were a kid id totally want it too. also starring was this random kid who followed us around the ward and made the darnest comments. it was like we were interviewing him for some tv christmas special 'well christmas to me is... it comes every year, so i just celebrate it lah" and "lets sing something... not too noisy!" LOL all the songs by definition generate -some-noise. and about the ward clerk "let's sing the cashier a christmas carol!" and he laughed at the santa claus when he played wrongly. lolll sho cute.

also did i mention results are out and i got an A :D hehehe how rare this is for me. assuming the a grade is what i think it is. okay wtv i think its a good mark, finito :)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

chocolatedust

was feeling extremely BLAH this morning when i woke up thinking of the 100 things i have to doo

but then there was this flourless chocolate cake which caused chocolatedust to fly EVERYWHERE. and surrounded by chocolate there is really nothing to do but feel inexplicably HYPER AND HAPPY

*bounces off walls*

okay, i did taste test some of the batter to check it would be yummy. HEHE. some only, really!!

i wuv baking :):)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

letusjustlove

as a result of some unintelligent choices (did i REALLY have to surf what wiki says about h2g2 books this afternoon?!), i now have 20mins to finish my writeup. this sounds so luxurious except i have been writing it for the past two nights and thus far barely 950 words. and mind you most of the words are headings.

the last writeup i showed my gp and she was like very good! lots of headings! and actually i put them in out of desperation. haha it was quite funny

anyway if i dont finish by midnight & print to let her vet AND writeup all the cases in the logbook for signing, i will be superr sleepy tmr. i need to wake up at 8am to eat bfast/ change etc EVEN THOUGH the place is like 5mins by car from home -_- inefficiency yo. i dunno why either, dont ask me! time and space somehow conflates to make a super near location take a long time to get to

and and the funny thing is i feel like i need more sleep in gp posting? maybe coz we need to stand for 3 hrs and if i fall over and sleep its quite... bad haha. sy and i were mouthing 'i'm sleepy!' 'me too!' to each other which i think the gp heard coz after tt she told every pt 'medical students... i need to ask them qns or they will fall asleep' hahaha. and i think coz i CAN sleep more, i do. so every morning from 8-8.20 is spent catching ineffectual bursts of guilty sleep. anyway i dunno why i am just super sleepy despite the great sleep luxury (as opposed to other postings, not compared to vacationing in the bahamas DUH)

also read some interesting stuff (re: unintelligent choices that results in a rushed job now, compromising LOVELY SLEEP & sanity) that made me think about teh past. haha but i shall refrain from philosophizing abt debate until _______ is over. ps thanks c for the joke, i used it, HAHA.
listening to - a pink's let us just love from the protect the boss ost

anyway edit FINISHED WRITEUP YAY unfortunately it is 1am hello extreme sleepiness later.

editing rights



“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
i like this editing rights idea. so often we ply God with thousands of prayers, sure, its good to pray, but it doesnt mean that automatically we will get everything all at once like a genie. which is probably better, if you've ever read any genie stories hahah. people's wishes are not wise, oh no.
 
yesterday night was a night of epiphanies. haha. and maybe that needed to be sorted out, before ___________.  the result though was that i was EXTREMELY sleepy today. but it's okay, one doesnt feel so enlightened so often. and tumblr'ed my way through the afternoon. in the end, i got what i wanted, yep :)
i love the daily bread email i get everyday. a reccent one was 'our daily bread- free pizza'. HAHA. i want!! nah it isnt pizza pizza. but today, i feel like i got a slice of free pizza :):) i really do. and the hours spent coming to grips with stuff yesterday, made this all the more sweet.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

of rheumatology & chocolate cake

If I could catch the green lantern of the firefly
I could see to write you a letter.
-- amy lowell

stuck with writeup. although in this instance, its a good excuse not to run. i ran during the weekend and was totally zonked out after. bleh can you say unfit. i shall wake up at 6am to run tomorrow!! *promises self*

360/1500 words. i think i shall go into -extreme- detail about the patient's diet, writing it like a paean to singapore hawker food (not coz the guy is a glutton, i highly doubt so, but cos i HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO WRITE)

char kway teow, nasi
lemak, chicken
rice, ban mian,
.......

i really dont like writeups. i like this poem though.

Others taunt me with having knelt at well-curbs
Always wrong to the light, so never seeing
Deeper down in the well than where the water
Gives me back in a shining surface picture
Me myself in the summer heaven godlike
Looking out of a wreath of fern and cloud puffs.

Once, when trying with chin against a well-curb,
I discerned, as I thought, beyond the picture,
Through the picture, a something white, uncertain,
Something more of the depths—and then I lost it.

Water came to rebuke the too clear water.
One drop fell from a fern, and lo, a ripple
Shook whatever it was lay there at bottom,
Blurred it, blotted it out. What was that whiteness?
Truth? A pebble of quartz? For once, then, something.

- robert frost.

wow no idea what it means but it sounds so pretty. what on EARTH does that allude to and how can such visions have pranced into his mind's eye. like "something is there that doesn't love a wall"
"always wrong to the light, so never seeing"
yeah. tell me 'bout it.

the downside to having sent alot of emails reccently about research/ poem submissions/ thingsingeneral is that i keeeeeep checking my email on my phone. im going to get trigger thumb soon.

yesterday was studying rheumatoid arthritis - the full works, with priscilla's internal medicine, davidsons, uptodate, blablabla. i realised there are 100 things i dont know. like FELTY'S DISEASE. so enlightened now. but i was researching highteas at the same time. it was just so highly incongruous. after looking at millions of pictures of cake i felt super jelat, like i had just eaten a boatload of buttercream, flour and strawberries.

and then i felt the need to run. but fam med makes me super sleepy. maybe im paying for my ENERGISER BUNNY MODE for the last dunno how many months.

or maybe i'm just pathologically lazy and will sleep given any opportunity. yeah, that.

likeadream

one write up, two more morning clinics, and one more set of lectures standing between me and holiday!!

although i have been actually practically on holiday since paeds posting finished ;p except that no holiday involves waking up at 8am as far as i am concerned.

trax's like a dream has pretty lyrics

wordlessly, only

sighs increase
yawns come out from
the obvious expressions


as i walk on the path of time,
the world of you and i which used to shine
become miserable memories and
keeps on faintly erasing

at some point the seasons passed
and time went by
the accustomed two eyes with
no feeling makes me feel so sad
~
on the bright side, prolific mornings thinking of poetry during gp clinic. :)
haha actually i think its pretty awesome that the gp builds relationships so well with her patients. i think the gp im attached to is an extremely good dr both in terms of medicine and in the art of healing & communication. if only i could be as good as talking to people as her! some of her pts literally fly to sg just to see her. there was a funny bit where she was talking to a patient about cny celebrations at their house and i was thinking 'wow how cool, she is so close to her patients!!' then the gp turned to us and said 'oh this is my niece' HAHA.

bleh. writeup.

oh something that occured to me is that in the midst of enjoying life/ making further lists of all the things i wanna do, i realized that it feels really too... indulgent and materialistic. must i really have more dresses and shop at zara/ topshop/ h&m/ river island to be happy? must i really watch a thousand plays and ballets, must i really spend $$ to learn contemp to be happy? well, yes on the plays. HAHA. not sure about the other stuffs. i just think that chasing down every single thing on the wishlist isnt necessary for happiness. its true that getting what you want (in whatever form) is great, but sometimes happiness just is being. but i enjoyed the indulgences of the past few weeks. LOL. and wicked... well if miraculously someone goes with me sureee but i think paying 200 bucks to drag an unwilling family member along is not a good idea hhaha. but but christmas carolling is coming up! and high tea with michellee and lots of people coming back :) this december i can be social haha. THAT part of post-exam i lovee. not so much about the going out part, but more of the People :)

~

i liked the dream. it was one of the best i have ever had. it almost felt real

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I sent off a lot of emails and put plans into action today. It feels great being able to focus and not have the spectre o exams looming overhead constantly. Some plans were old ones, as far back as may this year, which just refuses to come to fruition. Some things i was really excited about. But maybe this diversion is meant to be. I solidified my long simmering urge to try anotherangle, and to try for something else beyond the deadline during church, so hopefully it goes well haha. Lets noot put the discernment spin on that though.. Had a greatt weekend with shopping, playhouse and lunch with nat and sharon!! Hermitry makes socialization all the sweeter:) i loved the world of warcraft bits and the internetstuff was so well done!! M4 play was awesomee too. Who wrote the script such brilliance

Thursday, December 8, 2011

a lost puppy

The crowds overflowing in the golden and silver malls

~
Gp has been pretty nice and slack! Except the writeup but i understand that they need us to do SOME work hahaa. There was a good case as i waited outside to come in at 9am (why is sy always so early??), and after that was all URTI's and seamen having checkups!! Sigh.
And lots of food for thought. Clearly what we think is best in life isnt always best huh? Quite jarring in a sense esp if you consider all the wishes that have been popping up in my brain haha but timely!!

~
But i have to say this. Thank you for believing in me. Really. I will never forget that

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

yeats

let's just quote yeats, and anything i can think of. it makes it easier

"never give all the heart, for love
will hardly seem worth thinking of..."
"for everything that's lovely is
but a brief, dreamy, kind delight"

~
OKAY emo-unanswerable-philosophical mood overr

had a BRILLIANT weekend!!!
high tea yummmm & then a friend's party. had quite a gd chat with miah (on my part, i dunno if he thinks the same, HAHA!!) we were talking about discernment, and something he said really struck me "discernment is usually about something big, not like something like what shall i eat for lunch or shall i drink coca cola" it's SO OBVIOUS but was so striking at that moment. in the time when you are confused about things then everything blurs together and you arent really best placed to judge. but then someone says something which may be v obvious or not really related but somehow is the FINAL PIECE OF THE JIGSAW PUZZLE. it just felt like that. there was more i know this sounds so inconsequentiall but anyway i always enjoy talking about discernment :) so yeah

also caught up with christen and talked to shariff more (he is really v nice!!)

and back to the thoughtfulness bit, i guess i kinda needed it, but ive decided to be 100% positive from now on!! okay finee 99% cos i guess the world doesnt really like negativity nope but it's not just SOCIAL CONVENTION its a firm belief that if you are happy... it just multiplies itself. or something. forgive me, I HAVE ENDLESS WRITEUPS. now on fam med writeup :(:(

but nevermind, had quite a nice time playing comp games + nice mix of social stuffs

i am also still highly confused.
but this i know, trust in the Lord your God with all your heart.

i dont know what will happen,
but i trust him.

because today, was not possible without his grace, and i will not ever forget that.

Friday, December 2, 2011

brownie points

"whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you" John 15:16

PAEDS EOPT IS OVER!!!

... and now i am all alone in science library doing my ethics writeup. like, LITERALLY, there is no one else in the computer room. this is sooo odd. dont science people come to study in the library too?! (i imagine everyone from medicine is either doing writeup/ out celebrating).

but going to lunch w hanyu/ meihua soon. then tonight i'm going to orchard to SHOP and BUY BOOKS. not to sound bimbotic but wearing the same like 10 dresses everyday is boring me out of my mind. and i just saw that wicked is NOT sold out! question is, do i wanna pay 100 dollars for a lousy seat?! hmmmmm difficult difficult. but it's such a great experience, i mean. WICKED. :(

debate trials on the 7th. haha i really spent a long time thinking if i shld join or not. and fbing sean abt it. haha! ultimately i thinkk i will go with a) if i get in
b) if i am projected to get cramps on that day HAHAHA and most imptly but the hardest barometer (yet the easiest, in some ways), if God wants me to do it. its just that that is sensitive but not specific. HAHA. like the TACHYPNOEA FOR PNEUMONIA DFDGHFLGHLFJHGLJXFLH okay moving on.

reflections on paeds

firstly, i had an AWESOME TIME. even though the atmosphere (in the 2nd hosp) is so academic and stressful, i feel like i have learned so much not just in paeds, but in gen med. i like how everything is so specific and we must memorize head circumference, how much it grows each month of life, etc. reminds me of heart of darkness hee. I REALLY love little kids. as i stepped into the lift just now, i saw the cutest looking kid, strapped to his dad in one of those kangaroo looking things, waving his arms and legs. zomg.

even though our tutors could sometimes be very stressful HAHA, on hindsight, the tutorials which we all took turns to do "exam-style long case and short case" were very good practices. because we learnt to clerk blindly and present and answer when we got interrogated. for me, my last long case was really brilliant. in the sense that it was SO complicated, and i was so confused (the mother told me "she has... ACHONDROPLASIA, diagnosed antenatally". btw, i dont think u can dx that antenatally.) and oht really grilled me a lot for it. but magically i managed to come to a conclusion, list all the issues and everything. just really pleased with how neatly it turned out despite the difficulties :):) and that made me realise how impt the stress of performing during tuts is.

i was really self conscious and competitive this posting, to be perfectly honest. i was so scared that i would screw up any chance of me getting in next time. i think its just that, when you are in a place which is calling out to you like a greek siren, when you want it so badly, it really matters to you what you do. i didnt purposely want to be this way, or like it, but i really couldnt help it. and even contacting tutors actually makes me v stressed. HOWEVER i think ultimately i didnt offend any tutors hahaha even tho i think my mini cex arranging is sO not professional - i sat in his clinic, and at the end told him i was to do mini cex with him/ the 2nd time i caught him as he was going home. hahahaha. but once i realized where i stand (not too good, haha!) i sort of gave up expecting anything and just worked harder to fill the holes & ultimately it turned out ok.

i think on the balance, i am definitely better at paeds than anything else. but the problem is, not necessarily better than OTHER PEOPLE at paeds. see what i mean about competitiveness... sigh. residency makes you consider all this stuff so early :(:( i dunch want. i just want to hop and skip and run. that makes me... around 5 years old, according to my DA notes. why is it so hard to be a doctor for kids. why do you have to be so zai in order to see little kids everyday and smile everyday and fix little kids. i really dont know.

as you can see, most of my posting was spent either mugging, portfolio-ing, or trying to crystal-ball my future. most of my kk posting was spent playing with kids. hahaha.

okay DISCERNMENT ASIDE, i also enjoyed meeting new people! cos we're kinda put together with some people from other cgs for some things. got to know s and s little better (s keeps hitting me when i say silly things during clinics etc!! haha i joined her for renal/ child development clinic randomly during outpatients. and also was with her for ward embedding). and s - when we went to cck. its actually pretty nice, cos im not the sort of person to make friends upfront but rather naturally through doing stuff together so yay! more friends = always good.

my tutors i think were v nice!! like literally, they're not people that intimidate you. i think i gave up impressing my main tutor so then i wasnt so scared hahaha but anyway he doesnt tekan me much so it isnt so bad. and mainly he is just thoroughly entertaining. i look forward to being the MO sitting at the computer overhearing his tutorials and hearing him tekan m3 students ;p

so in summary, i plan to make brownies this weekend :) and watch a movie! and annthea's bday tmr! and go to church to thank God & st joseph of cupertino. eopt went good. got 70% :) as my med sch average is usually wayyy below that, all i can say is, this is my answer.

although coz i only got 60++ for my portfolio in nuh, i dont know if ill get A overall. its okay lah. i tried my best, and i got the answer i was looking for. that's enough. :)

NO MORE GUNNER THOUGHTS FOR THE REST OF M3!! YAY! back to lovely slacking off hehe