About Me

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

i want to fly before sunset

I was young back then
All the things we were sorry about
Let’s just push them far ahead
Because there were more things that were good, right

Even when we had different dreams
We walked on the same path
All of the memories that only we know
Even if we walk on different paths
We will dream the same dreams
We are special like this

There is so much that I want to say
But I didn’t know how to say it so I just swallowed it in
But you’ll never know if I don’t say it
Do you know my clumsiness of only causing misunderstandings?

On a day where everything felt so burdensome
Without a word, you took me to the ocean
You kept telling me forced joke after joke
You don’t know how thankful I was for that
You tried so hard back then
I’m so sorry that I couldn’t do anything for you

We take over a page of each other’s lives
Let’s always remember our own stories
Until this night gets faint when looked back upon
Many things will change
Just like time always makes it
- brown eyed girls

times when my own words wouldnt be enough this captures it well

time has taken over, and it is beautiful

i dont know any other way to express this

to me, the greatest commodity in life, not often chanced upon is peace, and lack of regret

i am happy to say that
at this very moment in my life, i feel those two things

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

we cant stop

YAY i finished all elective portfolio related stuff!! *relief*

and i had a rather nice combat class just now. so satisfying :):)

and i passed ACLS today!! it was not easy for me to pass, considering my STERLING performance at practice where i had considerable difficulty just taking the paddles off the defib machine. the tutor commented i have an obsession with knowing the vitals, hahaha, im just glad that's the only glaring prob! my friend had to do a hurdle back and forth over the ecg leads between intubating and de-fibbing LOL just thinking about it makes me giggle. provided a good laugh in a rather stressful examining situation

and now i'm about to have 8 hours of sleep, something i rarely ever have!!

yayness. i will have to start my poster soon. i just dunno how to start. ok think abt it tmr.

healing project

every now and then you hear a song that seems familiar, but you just can't place it

every now and then, i'm reminded of what love feels like

in whatever incarnation i know it is

who are we, to judge people's loves? how genuine, for what reasons. if it isn't requited, i dont see why it's any less pure, to be honest. i used to think unrequited love is actually more pure. sure, it's an illusion, but to love someone and not expect anything back; to love someone for just existing and being themselves rather than because they love you.

in all truth, what i fear most is that. loving someone because they love me and not because i genuinely feel something. that's like a selfish love

in all truthfullness, to me, love is something that has long been diluted, something that needs filtering out. i used to say that i dont believe in hopes that in giving up, it would magically descend upon me. that by recognising that i was jaded, the universe would come and save me. i mean, the universe does that all the time for me. everytime i need help, once things look impossible, the pumpkins always come. i always get the fairy godmother. but not for love. never. not once.

i've given up believing in believing in love. to me now, it's something that derails me, causes me to get distracted, to make a fool of myself, more than usual that is. to make myself look foolish in a way that is not within my control

for the record, my ideal type has changed over the years. what i really really want (apart from the baseline criterion of feeling that this is the one God has planned for me) is someone really dependable, reliable, someone really hardworking and determined. someone who makes me a better person.

dont know if such a person truly exists in this world. and as compared to say 4 yrs ago, i cant be bothered at all. good for sanity. i like sanity

the other day i chanced upon some poetically written prose, and to my horror, i didn't know who i was referring to. quite honestly, i have no idea who i was waxing lyrically about. then thanks to a random flyaway phrase about "being trippy", it totally clicked. but then i realised i had an addendum years later and i have no idea who that was about either. clearly some extremely grandiously unforgettable subject.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

wild honey & plain vanilla

if i ever indeed become a pediatrician, i think dr t deserves many, many cupcakes. words cannot express my gratitude. seriously. okay it sounds like a small thing but it's really nice of him to do that.

also met j who is currently the neuro mo! haha to think we first met when she was doing her SIP at sgh surg. and now im doing SIP!! time flies. i will always rmb how she was youtubing music in the mo room late one day to encourage herself when doing discharge summaries. HAHA.

also i really like the cmg involvement in the flurry of residency activities. it makes me feel like God is tangibly involved in all this. just the way i like it. thank you God for a great start to the whole residency application thing. i think im 100% for peds now. i did try to be open to other possibilities but i always felt like i was telling white lies when saying "oh yea, im interested in x specialty" when actually my heart was saying something else. whereas when i go to the peds PDs and tell them that i want to do this, it feels 100% natural and normal. all im thinking of is "do i sound too over-enthusiastic?? like an over-eager puppy?! arghhhhhh"

Friday, July 26, 2013

maybe tomorrow

I SURVIVED ortho SIP!!!! yay
thank God for giving me the strength to somehow come back yesterday and handwrite all the impt information down so today's exam went alright. not great and the marking scheme is really odd. but with his grace, i'll pass. i think. haha. not going to think of the alternative, just trust ++
THANK YOU to the HOs who always call us or let us know when there's blood taking/ procedures to be done, who taught us how to use the eIMR and how to order things. all these are cheap thrills for us haha but nevertheless, such fun to do.
i really should have maybe started mugging earlier, i think the exam today is of a pretty high percentage and is quite exam-orientated not like ward-based, but i dont know it seems to be contrary to SIP purposes to sit in a room and mug. i guess it kinda worked out. dont know how i mugged so many things in such a short time, guess this is called desperation.

cg ribs after ortho EOPT = LOL

kk many many things to do now. GO GO GO
~
even if i'm scared, i will find my way now
even if i fall down several times, i will get back up
i will believe in myself again and fly
yes, tomorrow, maybe tomorrow
some day i will come face to face with my dream
- maybe tomorrow, ryeowook
 last night i was frantically flipping my notes on my desk and chanced upon a birthday card from agess ago which said
lift up my eyes to the hills.    From where does my help come?My help comes from the Lord,    who made heaven and earth.

okay sweet freedom~

Thursday, July 25, 2013

end of ortho sip!!

assuming i pass the exam tmr HAHA

i liked the pope's world youth day message, that we need saints in this ordinary daily world. not just that because we live in this material-filled world, that we dont have an excuse to be any less christian, but also that in doing the normal stuff, living life, is what God wants of us, to all be normal happy open sociable people. i do believe that even though there's a lot of sadness and fighting in this world, God does want us to be happy. that everyone deserves a bit of happiness in their day/ week/ month/ life no matter who they are and where they live. i know despite everything, i have experienced uncountable happinessess and uncountable blessings and graces.

some other bits i liked
"we need saints that place God in first place ahead of succeeding in any career... that look for time to pray everyday and who know how to be in love with purity, chastity, and all good things... who have a commitment to helping the poor and to make the needed social change"

:)

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

rainydays

OHH, so apparently the feelings of head-spinning, claustrophobia and nausea when surrounded by the crowds at residency fair was due to a pathological cause rather than a physiological reaction to stress/ too many choices and yet so few

who knew man.

ANYWAY sleep and 100+ and maxolon from my gp, as in literally, the nice motherly gp sy and i did our gp rotation with do wonders. the only thing they can't do is study ortho for me, unfortunately.

i think i missed some amazing teaching this morning but seriously i was in this woollyheaded haze, speaking of which the actual haze is coming back soon... UGH... speaking of which i remember how during our m3 ortho exam the FIRE ALARM went off

okay anyway in conclusion, if i pass this ortho eopt/ rotation, it'll be a miracle. i've known this from the first day, but indeeeeed it is provin to be so. but i quite liked the calls, everyone was usually really friendly and u get to know the hos better and do more stuff. fun fun.

aim for today - study PEDS ORTHO and maybe osteomyelitis.
aim for tomorrow - DRAG MYSELF TO SCHOOL. must go. yes. really.

sat pre-call and post residency fair i rmb i was in the adoration room praying and i felt this immense sense of peace. and so i know that God is with me and i will not fail ortho despite how dire the situation looks now (like half the mugging time has been replaced by sleeping time!!). yes. okay off to mug what i can!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

secret garden

residency fair today left me, honestly, none the wiser

also i am beginning to think my malaise is due to flu since everyone around me now has flu, not post post post post call syndrome. at least i hope not, since im joining call tmr again

was so incredibly mentally and physically exhausted after following the hordes from booth to booth. or maybe the crash after eating macaroons from the cardio booth? haha. it was yummy though. ended up crashing with annthea & jeremy at old town white coffee for a hazelnut coffee pick me up, musings about life, thanks jeremy for treating :):) michael joined us too haha so random but fun. it's nice to bum sometimes. actually i've been bumming alot lately, particularly in coffee shops.

then i went to church since: call tmr. BEST CHOICE EVER. went to the quiet room to pray. it felt so nice just to be telling God about my day. not asking him for anything like a little kid wanting pocket money to buy candy. just seeking a moment's quiet after the headache-inducing headless-chicken goldrush that leaves one in a confused tailspin.

anyway, i think these things just stress one out, but its impt info that i need to know, so no choice. i think i've made my choice, thanks to the decision to go to mass today (as opposed as to the 6am one tmr haha) and not exactly thanks to the myriad of choices available. although i do like the shared camaraderie of confusion between everyone, fear-mongering and jostling for positions is not really my cup of tea. but i guess i need to go for the next 2 open houses to fully compare everything. actually i would prefer to sleep, but i suspect i need to go. at least there's no more bcls hahaha.

our daily bread

"whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all" Mark 10:44

it's not about being first. i've said this many times and honestly medicine encourages us to be the best, be first in everything, be the most impressive. it isnt about that. 

our daily bread says it better than i can

It appears that service for others is God’s design for us.
Even Jesus, the Son of God, “did not come to be served, but to serve” (v.45). As we look at Christ’s example and depend on the Holy Spirit’s help, we too can be servants and will create a fulfilling life.
I admit, Lord, that my eyes do get focused on
myself. But I really do want to live from a
heart of love for You. Teach me to be a servant
and to look for my fulfillment in You.
Great occasions for serving God come seldom, but little ones surround us daily.
that said, i guess one does need a minimum of clinical knowledge to actually benefit people.

that's where the CRAZY I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT determination kicks in. good thing one of the gifts i definitely know God gave me is determination.

it's just a long road.

on another note, just started the ortho mcq printing out and panicking. this is so painful.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO PAINFUL. i wanna eat cupcakes

Friday, July 19, 2013

emotion is important



no matter how hard i try, i can't fix it, you know?
even if time stops and is turned back
my feelings won't change
i wont ever look for you again
dont look at me with that face, i was always like this
stop appearing before my eyes, leave from my heart
even if it's coincidence, let's never run into each other

randomly stumbled upon this song. actually i have no idea who are the singers but wow at the emotion-filled high notes.

~

post post call crash today! spent a significant amount of time actually WANDERING IN CIRCLES i kid u not. until hy who was post call came back to hospital hahahaha and i bumped into her after coming out of distalradius# clinic which was, all, wait for it, DR#s. then somehow we went on a clerking spree. not bad we heard 1-2 barely audible esms with our retrospectoscopes, did the neuro exam on someone, amongst other things. oh and clerked an amazing case with mh and yj with three pathologies all confusing each other (and us) by dint of randomly bumping into mh outside the clinic.

then passed by the v nice ho i did active call with the other day and just went to say hi to him and fortutitiously he had bloods to be taken!! then after that bumped into my own ho who had bloods for our own team patient (also, showing the team i stay late YAY haha). well there was a 50% success rate, not too bad. after that i was really too tired to go home (dont u just know that feeling?!!) so i bummed in the mo room eating my toast when the active ho for tonight came in

him: why are u still here?!
me: im too tired to move to go home
him: AHHH I WANT TO GO HOME but i can't!!!

lol!!
i was really impressed with his call organization paper thingy too. must make one like tt next time when i am on call.

and then OBVIOUSLY came home to zzzzz

i hope i survive the last week
tmr is bcls
sat is nhg open house
sun is i need to do my poster and mug for fri but i also need to do call + catheterization + ABG. oh wells.
mon is we need to find a case for tues
tues is teaching + do poster SIGHS + mug for fri (i am so screwed)
wed-thurs is MUG LIKE MAD
fri - hope i pass my ortho eopt
sat & sun = aiya i bet i need to do my poster on this day cos i will have spent the week mugging for eopt
oh there's singhealth open house + sip bootcamp! uh i dont actually want to go for ortho sip bootcamp when ive alr undergone the ortho sip?!!! hahaha. but the peds/ surg ones shld be useful, i guesss

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

theory of happiness

first full ortho call started in an epic way with discovering that zq had taken my call card home with him LOLLL in his post-call sleepiness. as we walked away could hear the security guards laughing "...and when he picked up the phone he was like... OH SHIIIT!!" he was v nice as to drive back and pass it to me when he woke up properly

my ho "wah you're much better than sy. with him the calls just never stopped coming!! i didnt eat until midnight!" LOL glad to be of help. anyway it was quite productive! got to order alot of medications, blood taking, post op reviews, and joined the active HO after midnight so saw 2 new cases. fun fun. the active ho was really nice and taught me how to order all the meds in the eimr. and his mo and reg are SUPER nice. actually i must add that the hand MOs are also incredibly nice, as in i have literally never met such kind and gentle mos ever esp yc. that's ttsh being all sunshine and rainbows for you, even the ortho surgeons have good personalities. 

also got treated burger king by the reg and ice lemon tea by the ho. whoa. super nice people. 

then after that had tutorials the whole day zzzzz

okay shall bum a little longer then run! :) 
i is happy. 

also i have discovered that the more u share cases around the more people pass u cases. it's one of those the more u give the more u get thingy. thank u all kind people who have been giving me cases & the patients for bearing with us. the girl i clerked this pm was REALLY nice despite me not knowing how to take hx for her condition. i mean i do know how to but somehow everytime i face it i always forget what to ask unghhh. but she was so helpfully offering information and didnt seem annoyed that we were bothering her at all! 

Monday, July 15, 2013

why is it

productivE day!!

rounded quite a few patients by myself before bumping into my HO and MO and presented the patients to them and updated them (i love doing this. and yes, cheap thrill)

then went for the morning trauma round thingy + talk on open fractures. the reg giving the talk had such a strong glasgow accent!!!! seriously. but when i asked him if he was from glasgow when i joined his clinic after that, he said he's from australia but it's mixed with a german accent

.... LOL. embarrassing much. but luckily he's vv nice. 
anyway they were telling him it could've been better but actually it was miles better than the one i gave last tues haha. guess reg >>> med student. the funny thing is i've met this doctor before when i was at the sgh taxi stand one wet rainy day during a particularly depressing o&g posting. the reason i rmb him is because he asked me if i was taking a taxi. AT THE TAXI STAND. haha. okay.... 

during the 20 mins of clinic i joined him for (hy was in his clinic), some quotable quotes
 *to the patient* "actually we dont do the full exam. i'm just doing it because there are people watching here" *patient takes off pink crocs, revealing insoles* "oh! you have insoles! same as me!" hy - doctor, you wear those?! "no, i wear the insoles!! i dont wear pink crocs!!" 

after morning teaching, we had a rather educational tutorial about hand. if i get a hand station in my mbbs, i sincerely hope i pass it with flying colors, lol. SINCERELY. after 4 weeks in hand and multitudes of tutorials and kindly people randomly teaching me hand things every morning and whenever they see me in clinic. SINCERE HOPE. 

then whacked off 2 discharge summaries to keep myself feeling useful (id rather take blood or call blue letters but yj has a point in that early morning tutorials prevent us from doing much changes. that said, im not really up to calling consultants personally to ask them to rearrange their schedules.... i dunno, maybe im not brave enough, haha!). the funny thing is after that hy had lunch with the hos and my ho was saying that i never seem to eat lunch. good good maybe he thinks im really industrious and hardworking

then dragged myself to clinic thinking hy was there as agreed (she wasnt. she was eating lunch with the hos). and joined a doctor the significance of which i shall not put here, but anyway embarrassingly enough i answered EVERY SINGLE ANSWER WRONG. not reaally egregiously wrong but obvious that i know minimal things about everything
e.g "what is osteoporosis"
me: uh... the T score is less then? no more than. no less then.... *mumble mumble* -2.5
dr: no, it's minus so it has to be less then!
me: yes yes
dr: so that's the who definition.... 2.5 standard deviation...... some people however use the definition that it is a qualitative and quantitative decrease in bone mineral density... qualitative meaning decrease in bone trabeculation and *spouts further impressing sounding stuff* 
me: *thinking... there's a WHO definition for OP????*

dr: what's this. spot diagnosis. 
me: hallux valgus!
dr: wrong. what's hallux rigidus?
me: the hallux is... rigid
doctor: RUBBISH!! 

sidenote: it's like cmc oa except at the big toe

lumbar spine x ray
dr: so tell me what this x ray shows
(it shows a random curve randomly)
me: so... this is an x ray of blah blah on such a date and it shows.... scoliosis
dr: huh. what is scoliosis
me: the spine is... curved... at an angle which... uh. 40 degrees? 30? ..??? 

anyway apparently it was a trick qn and u must see the WHOLE SPINE to comment on scoliosis. wow who knew. and the angle is COBBS ANGLE. 

haha it was an entertaining 3 hrs. the best thing is he would sleepily spout out textbook perfect answers to his questions each time. oh well i learnt a lot! also read lots of mris. the doctor would read all the mris to us and end off with "...and you guys dont need to know this at all for mbbs". haha. i like extra knowledge though. 

THEN went back to the wards where shaun nathan the ex cms pres kindly gave me a cardio case, which actually i cant hear anything at all. but anyway. ok can hear a little bit but hardly anything lor. then discussed with an m3 thinking if anything i know the cardio presentation... turns out she has been here since like my cardio posting in fact her cg was around our last tut with dr loh when we went everywhere looking for a room LOL. and the transvenous pacing confused everyone but its actually just like normal pacemaker insertion cept they do it really fast. and her cg was using the ccu room which is why we were roomless. and she knows just as much cardio as i do and def more than me at m3 level. HAHA. 

then on my way down met zhiquan in the lift and gave him the cardio case. he was really grateful and told me he wished he had a case to give me too (!!). my day thus ended touched by the kindness of nus peeps in sharing cases around haha. seriously leh that's nice of him. i hope he remembers the bed number though. LOL. aiya actually the case isnt that great leh ive heard more obvious cardio cases before... anyways. 

on call tomorrow! hoping it'll be good. i have a place to lay my head.
all i need is the air i breathe
and a place to rest my head 

must do c spine x rays.... 

Sunday, July 14, 2013

sweet potato star

cs lewis quotes :)
“Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.”
“The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.”

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

~

we had residency briefing yesterday! after that during dinner m and y were talking to the cms people (well actually i think they were asking christen something) and so obv i joined them. it was nice :):) really grateful to God for giving me this group of friends. even though we dont have like early morning prayers before lectures anymore, its still really nice meeting them at random times. 

on a separate note: radiology masterclass i love thee!! haha. 
the flowers are so pretty
daily dose of spiritual inspiration

“…Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5, NKJV)
When you wake up each morning, God sends you a special delivery of joy. It’s like it comes knocking at the door of your heart every day. The problem is that some people never answer the door. It’s right there, month after month, year after year saying, “Come on! Let me in! You can be happy! You can cheer up! You can enjoy your life!” The way to answer the door is to get up and choose an attitude of faith and expectancy by declaring that “today is going to be a good day.” When you start the day like that, you are choosing to receive the gift of joy that God sent to you.
Today, make up your mind to answer the door to joy! Get up every morning and say, “Father, thank You for another beautiful day. I’m going to be happy. I’m going to enjoy this day because You are faithful. I’m going to brighten someone else’s life. I am choosing to receive Your gift of joy and passing it on to others because I love You, and I know that I am called for Your purposes!”

~

happiness isn't ALWAYS a state of mind, i do believe that outside external forces have a large part in it as well. but i also strongly believe that one can consciously change one's state of mind. i dont think God made us to be unhappy. yes there is a lot of unhappiness in this world, & its up to us to change it. sometimes it feels like the person throwing starfish into the sea one at a time, it feels so pointless. 

medicine is one of the most stressful things ever. not only do you have to memorize waterhoses full of information, you need to appear professional and with it, you need to help others not be needing help yourself LOL. but its also the best thing in the world because if you manage to conquer all that, you can actually make a difference in the world

that is my fundamental belief and why i wouldnt want to do anything else with this one life

... now i just have to conquer everything in myself so i can actually help others

my goal for this year is not to be a model student and learn everything under the sun, it's to bring happiness to those around me. and not to be a black hole of sucktitude HAHA

okay the above quote expresses it better than i can, i think. whatever it says - YES I AGREE wholeheartedly

Saturday, July 13, 2013

i'll be ok



love ALL OF AILEE'S SONGS omg

~

full circle :) having experienced what i wondered it would feel like to experience, i think i pretty much fully understand, haha. it was actually quite nice in a way. i have this thing where, if i know sth the other party doesnt, i just HAVE to say it or i'll feel weird. if not you'll keep on looking at the person in a significant way cos the person has so much significance to you and your life but they dont know it. so it's a bit weird, HAHA. anyway, just wanted to record that

that everyone deserves happiness in this world even if it's not always easily found

~
on a random note the other day i called neuro to ask if a pt can eat. LOL. before tt my ho was teaching me how to call for blue letters "so u open up the comp with all the results first, cos they may ask u, etc..." i'm quite sure after the person hung up he started laughing

dollhouse

such a good week! dont know why but i just feel so productive this week. haha.

i think i've been going to more clinics and the doctors are SO nice in the clinics. it's like the quintessential TTSH experience where they are super pro-teaching and generally nice people. i mean they are nice in rounds too once they know you, but rounds are generally very fast cos they want to go off to OT/ clinics. the MOs are also very very nice and not scary at all. there was a pt with a ganglion the other day and they were taking us through it mbbs style haha we even turned off the lights and transilluminated it and looked through a tube

yesterday i clerked a pt with LBP from beginning to end and even wrote in the notes. and before the patient came the dr was teaching us random things about c spine x rays, knee x rays, stuff like that. *amazement* it's actually better than my m3 ortho posting!! but also on hindsight i've realized that my m3 tutors were actually some of the nicest people around. haha. retrospectoscope.

so yay for me that i discovered the path to happiness, LOL. bumming around in wards all day long means u never see the MOs/ cons past 9am.

and i've still been doing ward work too. so there is balance :)
did a half call on thurs and saw some interesting stuff. we also literally ran down to get the notes from the clinic for a patient who just came in, at 6pm before the clinic closed, after which c's team was very impressed with him HAHA. i think they think he intimidated the notes out of them or something, it was quite a cordial friendly thing with the clinic people though ;p

plan for today
1. revise knee
2. gym yay
3. briefing at sch
4. meet nat
5. slack off



AILEE IS SO AWESOME i wanna be like her!!
i think i can leh. same body type. i can totally imagine myself doing this. HAHAHA. okay maybe she's more diva-esque ;p maybe i'll gush about ailee's new song to toby and he might do it for tues classes! or maybe he'll do it anyway, i haven't been for the longest time

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

relatively productive day!
630am pre rounding feels so much less painful when one is awake. pre-rounded completely on my 2 pts before finding the ho and all he has to do is just sign off :) yay. and one of the drs didnt know the new pts as he didnt round the day before so i was useful in updating him :) lots of wound inspections today too

then it was cme on fracture biomechanics and screws/ plating etc, quite interesting really!! 

thennnn it was a full day of ward work which i actually really appreciated cos when we have to run off for tuts our team has less stuff to do usually so when we get back things are always done then i dunno whether it's cos theres less stuff/ it's me/ it's my lot in life, etc = ANGST (side note, i dont actually think its me since i have been stalking every HO for bloods at every opportunity, not to mention peering into every cubicle to look for the pheblo. there was a post op hb level on a patient but the phlebo took it whilst we were having team coffee haha). anyway it was good being busy with ward work and really seeing how the issues progressed during the day! the usual post op reviews, medication ordering (the ho checks btw), discharge summaries, blood taking, etc. yay haha

 and the team drs are really nice once they get to know u a bit better/ learn of your existence (ps its a biiig team. my own supervisors def know me though). like one dr was educating us on brachialplexus injuries this morning after coffee and our ho actually went off to do changes first haha cos she was indeed thoroughly educating us. i like it when people teach you more than you need to know instead of just teaching to exams though!! 

along the way we also saw 2 good cardio cases!! like REALLY good ones, and the patients were generally v nice people too. 

oh and as we were coming up the escalator we met our cardio tutor yay! happy ending to a productive day 
(ps im sure everyone else has such productive days on a regular basis. however ive just finished brainwashing myself that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. so. haha) 

anyway for blood taking, i think i'm not going to go round stalking pple for bloods. its not like im shirking blood taking opportunities, there just arent that many. and eventually i'll get the hang of it, in a reproducible fashion, it's just when. im pretty fast at clerking patients anyway, im sure i wont die a painfully slow death on my first HO call night. it'd be good to be consistently good at it that's for sure, but thats a battle for another day! but v grateful to my ho/ dr lynette for actually calling me this am to let me know there was bld taking and actually thanking us for helping. every practice is valuable to me!! 

also i think its a mental block leh. the first time i ever took blood was in year 2 on this rugby playing dude fredrick in edin. i kept psychoing myself to think i could do it and i did it perfectly fine leh. it'll be fine!!!! 

plans
thurs - gxms, hip fracture, ?? call???
fri - hand clinic subs pm. 
sat - residency briefing at ??time
sun - slack off gloriously

yay sounds good

thank you God for a nice day :) starting the day with a prayer indeed makes a difference. i just knew it was gonna be a better day

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

stop worrying long enough to hear my voice

i liked this part - we are told to seek God, not just to wish for everything to work together, haha guilty as charged
early morning prayers :)
aim for tmr is to wake up at 530, get out of the hse peacefully, drive to ttsh to practice my rusty driving, have some early morning prayers/ equiv of the quiet time people do (d was whatsapping me a list of things i must do hahahaha and although i do take in mind that he's reaaally traditionalist, the thing about 45 mins of planned prayer not spontaneous makes sense. i mean nothing wrong with spontaneous prayers, but if u can take some time out of ur day that'll be better!), then pre-round before going to find my ho updating the list

this also seemed like good advice:

So many people live life worried about what everyone else thinks and wondering how they can impress other people. But we have to realize that when we come to the end of life, we’re not going to stand before people to give an account of our lives, we are going to stand before Almighty God. He is not going to say, “Why didn’t you do what so-and-so said to do? Why didn’t you fit into their mold? Why didn’t you take their opinion?” No, He is going to ask, “Did you become who I created you to be? Did you stay true to what I put in your heart?”
This is where Saul missed it. Saul had a big destiny. God had great things in his future, but Saul was so insecure that he let people squeeze him into their mold. He was afraid he was going to disappoint somebody. He said in First Samuel 15:24, “I disobeyed the Lord’s instructions because I was afraid of the people, so I did what they asked.” Notice Saul knew what to do. He even admitted it, “I disobeyed God’s instructions.” Why? He was a people pleaser. He forfeited his destiny in order to please people. Friend, don’t let that be you! Don’t be a people pleaser, be a God pleaser because pleasing God is all that matters when all is said and done!

all this is easier said than done
but once it's been said, at least u can try it

Monday, July 8, 2013

the great gye choon bin is such a cute mini drama!! it makes me smile :)

just finished trauma ppt, going to shower and sleep. maybe watch some coffee prince. i need to decompresss from all the apleys

tomorrow maybe a leisurely run before lectures? sounds gooood

competency skillz who me?
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
Colossians 3:23&24


:)
jiayou jiayou

Thursday, July 4, 2013

because i miss u more today

sleepy. learning about practical stuff = good.

really miss the cardio dept for some reason maybe i shld go the int med route after all heh. unforch im too jaded to be so easily swayed though. still, hai remembering the hf con peaceably teaching us in the mornings, paces cardio, all the ecg tuts that made waking up at 715 worth it, going to the cath lab & feeling really illegal but the reg talking us thru the whole procedure. dr c who always explains cheem stuff to us as if we are the same lvl instead of telling us that we dont need to know. i love it!! thirst for knowledge ++ the nurses and pharmacists that know so much abt everything from ecgs to echos and who still are so enthu for knowledge they always come crash our tuts. neuro teachings on tues with the amazing prof lung and his slides with exotic neuro signs like round the house gaze. and of cos my awesome tutor who we keep singing the praises of haha.

.... i am so an int med person hahaha. dont get me wrong i had a great 2/12 of peds too just that ttshmed is SO awesome that it kind of spoilmarket leh haha.

NEVERTHELESS, i am determined to do the best i can. woots. ok must sleep now must wake up at 545am. gahhhhhh
plan for tmr
am - rounds then tutor's clinic
pm - comm thingy

I CAN DO THIS.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

daily dose of inspiration

Today, what can God do through you? It isn’t about how qualified you feel. It isn’t about how talented you are; it’s really about how yielded you are. When you obey God, when you trust Him beyond trusting your circumstances, that’s when He can work through you and bring about greatness in every area of your life!
(from spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com)

it's only a miracle if the starting materials weren't anything to shout about. sometimes being human i wish i could have more talents, but if i had everything, then i think i wouldnt be so grateful to God for giving me what He does. i would be more prideful than i already am, less willing to attribute it to a higher power. so in a weird way, im glad that i dont have everything that i sometimes wish for. :)

We have to realize our mistakes aren’t that powerful. Our mistakes aren’t too big for God. He’s not up in the heavens shaking His head saying, “I never dreamed they would do that. They’ve ruined My plan.” No, God knew every mistake we would ever make. He knew every wrong turn, and He’s already prepared a new route. He already has your detour figured out.
Scripture says that God knows the end from the beginning. If you’ve made some mistakes, the good news is that He has already planned a way to get you back on track! Just come to Him with an open and humble heart. Let Him wash you clean and make you new. Your mistakes aren’t bigger than God. He loves you and has a good plan in store for you!


:) im totally guilty of this, hahaha. good to know someone's on it, cos i clearly am not!