About Me

Sunday, September 29, 2013

submitted.


today, more than any other day

i give it all to God

i will not live in fear & i will not place my worth in anything but him

there are many things i want to say, but i think i'll stick with this: God, I trust in whatever you choose for me to do next year, and for the rest of my life. 
and thank you for everything you chose for me for the past 24 years. i wouldnt have chosen anything else, looking back on it all. 

Saturday, September 28, 2013

we are bulletproof

so today i have done... officially nothing. lol.

was reading some of my poems & i realised that medicine and being a poet is further away than id originally thought. i used to think that med wld make me understand The Human Condition better & stuff but... while i do love it, it basically just makes me very sleepy more than anything else. i dont really spend much time thinking about the human condition. and when i do, well occasionally it can be heartwarming but lots of the time when all the socialissues stuff start coming in then its just depressing (like how my ho spent all of yesterday trying futilely to help all his patients), and u just feel like u can't do anything as the lowest on the totem pole.

and on a less humanistic pov, ie just thinking about oneself, medicine generally makes u want to scrub your mind of unpleasant experiences and replace them with more positive ones, while poetry... well i guess there can be some happy ones, but i dont know, most of mine come from places of generally some kind of unhappiness/ awkwardness/ something worth writing about. and in medicine you just hope for everything to go really smoothly, happy teams, unremarkable social situations, yknow what  i mean?! and even if something is awkward you dont really wanna perpetuate the awkwardness by memorializing it in a poem.

ah well. just a thought.

plan for (what's left of) the weekend
1. finish up residency app and press SEND
2. send some impt emails
3. study some neuro
4. gym at some point
5. go back on sunday?!!!

all you've ever wanted

SATURDAY!!! i feel like ive been running a marathon but actually ive just been running from one end of sgh to another.

seriously just to go from block 4 to block 5 involves such a long trek

one week of SIP is really over now and i can conclude that i have just experienced the nicest team ever from hos to consultants. even the new mo michael is super nice man. how next 2 weeks is going to pan out, NO ONE KNOWS, subject of much discussion, but yeah. i guess this is the first time i honestly really just gave it all to God and didnt bother to actively pre-worry about it, cos uh i dont see how preworrying helps anything at all. and it WORKED!! best team ever, presented like 2 patients every day, one of which was always a new case that came in overnight, people actually called/ smsed/ whatsapped me down to a&e, always teach us stuff, i don't live my life in fear (hey you know these things arent exactly taken for granted) & the team itself has such a lovely set of dynamics. SO i dont worry about the next 2 weeks either. (as long as i dont fail sip hahah but yea i dont think i will la). now i'm nearing the end of med sch, all i can think of, is that God has literally brought me this far (maybe dragged is more accurate imagery), he will definitely not leave me now. it's going to be awesome too :)
~

the ho's drive to help people is really inspiring too. that he is spending his time thinking about how he can push the other people and the system to help his pts, is really really commendable. like on friday he spent a good 15 mins telling me and the mo his frustrations. i have no solutions and anw i dont even know the system but all i could think is that this is why we all entered med sch and to wish i knew the solution, the best way. i guess firstly the most impt thing is to have the desire to help, then secondly the desire to go beyond ur own duties, the extra mile, even if u cld spend the time reading up on things to impress the con or something, to spend the hrs on the phone with people advocating for ur pt and thirdly to know the solution. but i think sometimes the third step is a big step up, sometimes there is and sometimes there isnt any solution. i wanted to sms him to tell him this (cos he sounded quite arghhh about this yesterday) but i guess there isnt much pt in smsing someone to tell him "the solution is there is no solution but good job for having good intentions!" it sounds so useless and patronizing. i mean it though...

sigh. anyway i think the past two weeks have been one of the most intense and educational 2 weeks about the practice of medicine that i have ever experienced. to be perfectly honest previous exposures havent been quite so either educational or positive. usually all the info washes over me and goes right over my head, or plants seeds of self-doubt and worry, or i spend the time jumping through hoops like a circus animal, or i just feel so depressed as if we cant do anything to help anyone really.

now i need to go enjoy my weekend before going back tmr to help out haha :)
OH settle residency app too.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Friday, September 27, 2013

try again

As if it never happened, I accidentally think of you sometimes
If I don’t think of you, will you disappear forever?
But the dew that gathers on the stars outside the window
There’s no way they will dry up even after the night passes

~

there is beauty, in these things
the me of yesteryear, yesterday even would live in regret
but i dont think i should live like that anymore

if i can find a way, to merge the beauty and poetry of sadness, with happiness, then i think i have learnt how to live this life

but between now and then there are a thousand miles to go before i sleep

~

on a less poetic note today i realised how blessed i am to have such a nice team. really Godsent. altho i dont think they will be marking my sip. and anyway i think this consultant has really high standards

also today i learnt that ACEI IS BAD IN AORTIC STENOSIS. wow. we all didnt know that actually. 
and i lovee running down to a&e to clerk patients. something so exciting about that

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

memory

wow where do i even start. it's day 3 of int med sip and i am EXHAUSTED.

trying to cram asthma hx taking into my head now for my 7am hx-taking tmr.

thus far the team has been one of the nicest i have experienced in my med sch life/ sip life, what with my ho being my ex-teammate & 3 extremely nice other co-hos. and the pysch mo and cardio reg. seriously have not met such nice people all in a team together before. guess when u really let go for once and leave it to God, it can be really good

was SO looking forward to bible study tmr, planned it with a weeks in advance, even told c & z and arranged to all go together, thinking to myself what nice symbolism of faith >> medicine to go in the middle of the week the day before a call. BUT i somehow overlooked that our half call is on thurs not fri. darn..... but anw it turns out theres no bible study this week.... lol. anyway. we can always try again.

today went down to duke cos my tutor was giving a lecture, quite fun haha. i dont think we missed -that- much cos our hos were having lunch at that time too (after rounding from 11-130pm) so not too bad, and quite interesting stuff too. and met nat!! yayyy so awesome. the funny thing is i introduced c to nat, then his friend who studies in duke came along, and c introduced his friend to nat. his friend "ya i know natalie she's my classmate!" LOL.

oh in the morning we watched a 2 hour bronchoscopy as well. and of course i did the usual morning case notes + managed to clerk one new case! felt really glad for making up for the day before where they sent me to clerk an aunty and i got stuck with the language barrier + a rather agitated aunty and before i could figure out anything the con arrived. the hos were incredibly nice tho and never ratted me out lol. GRATITUDE. so today i figured out the comp system/ files/ how things work in this hosp faster and then could actually help with the morning new cases (which are such a mad rush..) after i was done w the old pts.

and after the duke lecture, went to a&e with c to clerk a case & presented to the reg. FEEL ACCOMPLISHED ++

God is good :):)

Monday, September 23, 2013

i will rise

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

And I will rise when He calls my name
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees

and if our God is with us

survived first day of sip :):)

getting a better idea of a ho's life. in summary, it sounds crazy intense. i hope i didnt do anything wrong today when following my ho's instructions that may sabo him or anything. cos we dont actually have any responsibilities but i would hate to sabo someone else if yknow what i mean & he certainly sounds stressed out enough alr lol. i really wanted to laugh when he was coaxing the auntie to sit on the geri chair & i dont really think she understood him... but had to control myself hahahaha it was actually quite inspiring to see esp when he actually lifted the pt off onto the chair. ok i think that part is totally him and most hos dont do that

also i presented TWO patients today completely which must be my best record, like ever (yea cheap thrill yknow it can be really hard to get people to listen to you sometimes). and i managed to come to terms with the fact that debating style and presenting cases in the mornings are totally two different kettle of fish. primarily cos one can be lots of fluff and one, if you dont know or are talking nonsense, it's definitely not going to end well, read: POLAR OPPOSITES. somehow that makes me free-er from my own expectations. also the wards are just. sweltering. this morning i was presenting halfway and literally sweating (?nerves? sg is too hot I THINK ITS THAT)

i also learnt today to be very grateful to tamil-speaking nurses who enabled me to take a very long and cheong-hay history of knee pain? leg pain? confusing me? pain; luckily she did not judge my v disorganised history taking

it was quite a fun day :)

Sunday, September 22, 2013

cherry blossom


so beautiful :)

perfect love casts out fear


2 Timothy 1:7- I have not given you the spirit of fear, but of power, love and of a sound mind.

1 John 4:18- There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath torment. He that fearth is not made perfect in love.

Luke 4:10- For it is written, He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee. And in their hands they shall bear me up, if I dash my foot against a stone

this says it better than i could. new resolution for a new posting :)
going to be super enthu & attack this like an energiser bunny on crack. a happy one, like the happy bot that got shortcircuited in h2g2.

God keeps giving me awesome things in life and yet i keep worrying about the next thing. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

note to self:
saying "its def gonna be okay but i dunno what ok is" is NOT REASSURING. okay means, you are at peace, fulfilled, & doing God's work in your life that he has called you to do. and whether its your choicest residency, or really really hard work, or if you're going to be crazy and do what i think you're gonna do, then probably both. and it'll be perfect cos it's His plan. or maybe He doesnt want you to pick the harder and potentially rockier road... because: hard and rocky, and falling off mountains hurt. or maybe you just need to train harder for a year somewhere, get smarter and more efficient miraculously, get thicker skin... and then it'll be perfect. hello, all 3 options sound fine to me.

about day to day stuff: maybe instead of worrying about tomorrow, you can channel your ATP towards being an ENTHUSIASTIC ENERGIZER BUNNY. i clearly dunno the specifications of this cos if i did, i'd be the perfect sipstudent thus far, which err no.  think im following my friend tmr, i dont know, the logistics got a bit complicated, haha. but anw, always glad to see a friendly face :) i think that this is my best shot at debater-presenting, LOL.

the way

this is lyrically similar to "Lord I offer my life to you", one of my favs!



I'll walk beside You
As You lead me through still waters for my soul
I place my hope in all You are, yeah

And I know You'll guide me
To places where there's beauty to behold
There's no other place I'd rather be, no

Cause I've been down the other road
Where fear and doubt
They take control
And I won't go there anymore


So I will wait for You
To lead me to
Any place where You need
I won't make a move
Without You

I've walked through the fire
And every step You never left my side
In You is where my help comes from, yeah

And I'm letting go
I give You control
It's not my will
But Yours I'll follow

And I lay my life
Down at Your feet



sunrise

even when you can't imagine how you'll find your way out
even when you're drowning in your doubt
just look beyond the clouds
- britt nicole, the sun is rising



Saturday, September 21, 2013

heartlesscity/butterfly



i think something that has been on my mind lately is who am i and who do i want to be. its really easy to succumb to the expectations of others; to conform to what others want you to be. it's more difficult to be who you know you are, or should be. 
who i was may not be the best thing, but nevertheless it IS part of me. 

in the end, i resolved to never change because of the judgement of human beings. one falls when one serves more than one master 
it doesnt mean you DONT change, just know why you're doing it & who ur doing it for
& maybe i have been/ am rather judgemental but i hold that human beings... are just really judgemental. & it depends what you're judging. the person's worth as a human being, or how much u can trust them? i dont think its wrong to think about how much u can trust someone. 

in the end, i think balance is the keyword
& joy in everyday life & everyday things

hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

very grateful for all the front-loading of lectures!! i've not been as sleepy as usual, maybe due to the antarctic levels of cold in the student lounge?? i really enjoyed them too even the haemato lecture where the guy kept tossing around arcane things we've never heard about and saying "im a bit worried" when we didnt know anything hahaha it was quite amusing though. well now we know the rai and... thingy classification. and the SAPPORO classification.

i've not really thought much about medicine sip in particular before this. (paeds sip, that's another thing).was REALLY excited about SIP before m5 in general, but after ortho, just felt really exhausted. i did learn the usual basic ho stuff but it also got demystified a little. so when the timetables came to us and as monday approached, a slight familar twinge of anxiety came back to me (yea yea i self-diagnose myself as having generalized anxiety disorder...)

BUT. the thought of having all that self-doubt and awkwardness all over again is just ughhh. i dont think God made us to basically marinate in insecurities. being insecure, poetically fruitful as it can be, does not really enable one to do much or at least, to do much happily. yes, yes, this is me, angst and anxiety are familiar ways i know to make myself more productive. but how about... just being productive anyhow? like perhaps, just become i enjoy the subject matter and not because i feel pushed along by the ____ days to exam stream?? anyway, endorphins make everything better. like after an awesome run. i now believe that being happy makes whatever endeavor one does more enjoyable (duh) and productive.

IN CONCLUSION, i resolve not to worry at all about the hoops ahead. i mean, i dont even have a shred of intention to do internal medicine in the future. no need to impress anyone or be super keen or anything, just to enjoy myself.  look & proceed and the black book of clin examination is TOTALLY helping. not even kidding. i love the random comments they insert and the pearls of wisdom and just the general tone. it feels like the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. thank you to the people who wrote these books and who inserted random comments to entertain stressed medical students with potential gad. i'm really loving these books. ++

yay it's gonna be awesome :) at any rate, better than ortho hahahah

ALSO on thurs am going with a to bringyourownbible :):) happy. actually i wanted to ask her if we can do the morning prayers we used to do in m2, but can u imagine we'd all have to come at 6am zzzz nevermind byob! looking forward ++ please God let me survive til thurs!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

feeling philosophical today lol. really want to meet up with nic but dont wanna pass her my superbacterial infection thingy.

anyway, lots of things are repeated and there's no point really rehashing it all.

in summary: life is utterly random, i'm really blessed despite many shortcomings, i am happy.

and also that i think the key to everything may be taking a step back & chillaxing & just enjoying things. no point getting all stressed up and running in circles. but i do really want to be a good sip student, better than i was in ortho!

so my aims are
1. ask the ho nicely (hopefully the ho will be my friend hence all this will be easier, haha) to ensure i get to present the pts (sometimes they just start presenting the pt really fast)
2. take lots of bloods and set plugs!! and blood cultures

yes that's basically it. HAHA. that will make me quite happy.
i'm quite sure necessity will make us start practicing the songs & being exam focused anyway. but all this practical stuff needs some degree of assertiveness/enthusiasm that i can't quite muster. not becos i'm shy or inadequate but just cos i tend towards the polite stepping aside kind of thing. which obviously is like the opposite of sip haha. and i must volunteer for more tuts! i know in m3 i hardly did much. but i remember during simulation i utterly SUCKED at first so i kept volunteering and eventually i got better!

and i must call dental tmr *bracing self for onslaught*

face your fears yo

higher

severe monday blues today.... woke up with an urti resurgence after spending the night hunting for my access card (which miraculously resurfaced in the morning, literally thank God). i dont want to think about what pathogen i inhaled when doing massive spring cleaning at like 2am in the morning but hopefully its just dust-related exacerbation. subsequently, practically got blacklisted by the dentist, which for some reason really depressed me LOL i think its cos it was on my to do list and now i couldnt do it = FRUSTRATING.

on the bright side, the lectures were really useful today and quite good! i really liked the med onc one actually on onco emergencies maybe cos its sth not usually taught to us. and the stuff we alr know like DM - was a good refresher esp the targets to meet. as someone who has trawled through the guidelines on htn, lipids and so forth which are UBER LONG to find these targets through lots of long waffly sentences, it was tres useful.

HOPING MY URTI GOES AWAY.

must be more positive. yes

Sunday, September 15, 2013

let's talk about love



3 of my favourite people on stage!! they are coming to sg next weekend for f1, but i fully expect to be in full mugging zone by then sigh

had one of the most completely non-academic weekends ever as long as i can remember. usually the guilt kicks in and i study something, but this weekend, sat was totally taken over by something i can only describe as pure happiness, and sun was sleep in late --> brunch with the girls --> gym --> church.

and medicine sip practically kicks off tomorrow. UNPREPARED. mentally. but i guess at least i had a good break! and i'll see nat in sgh often hopefully? :) maybe we can share cases and write poems about how stressful med school is, haha.

really really enjoyed brunch. RED VELVET CUPCAKE!! so many kinds of win. and to hang out with people who have known me since forever and know all my faults is so nice! i mean yes most of my friends are aware of my flaws but i guess you guys really do know the full deal, and still liked me as a person despite all that poetic angstiness (or actually, maybe the poetic slant to it IS why we are friends, hahaha). anyway.

the only things on my wishlist left are
- read margaret atwood's new book
- bake something, maybe RED VELVET CUPCAKE

Saturday, September 14, 2013

as time goes by

feeling soooo happy right now. i dont care where i'm going to end up & when i'll get there
but - i love this. it was so much fun!!! 

also n is inspiring
me: "so how did you get into _____?"
n: "the angels got me in"

wish i could say that tooooo huh.

well i doubt i was SUPER USEFUL but nevertheless it was fun hanging out with n, o, my batchmates, and the admin guy i was helping out :) n in particular cos i kept bumping into him everytime there was a teabreak, which was quite often throughout the day haha. the doctors were so nice and entertained all my questions too yay. and most importantly i learnt SO MUCH. happy :):)

the obligate intracellular organisms reflections
just feel at peace with it all

if God wants me to get it, i will. if he wants me to wait one year, i will. (waiting one yr is not something im exactly unused to) if he wants me to go somewhere else, i will. i just need to know where and when and what He wants. and i feel certain that when i'm meant to know, i will. or it'll just happen. talking to n always makes me feel certain of this, i rmb feeling this when i was dicussing with him sometime during sip also. if i get in, totally buying him coffee ;p

where i want to go, is not an easy road. it's perfectly possible that God wants to spare me that road. its also possible that there may be something i need to do there. He will never give me something that i cant handle.

today i want to say that i accept no matter what it may be. i'm not just saying it, i mean it.
something tells me, its going to be better than ever i thought.
cos it always is

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

i realised, 3 yrs now.

if ever there was any hope of miracles, this is it.

i will never forget.

ever
sometimes, we feel like this:
but never fear, for:

all your days are written in His book

i

Monday, September 9, 2013

catching fire

GD's new song on inkigayo = beautiful


The color of my heart is black
It was burnt to black, just like that
Your smile is shining gold
But the way you speak, feels so cold

Hope is the parent of disappointment and despair
Why didn’t I know that the shadow that has casted over my face
Was created from the light called, you

It has been a while since the time between you and I have stopped
Misunderstanding is always the cause of pain
Well I don’t even know myself
So my hope for you to know me is a misunderstanding itself

**People smile with an effort, hiding the truth
As if they’re happy
While hiding the lie in the word love
As if it will be forever

The color of my gloomy world is black
The beginning and end change, black and white

Someday when I’m left at the edge of the world alone
I might miss you yeah
Someday when I’m tamed to the edge of sadness
I might regret at the end

I’m going to go back to the way I came from, black

~
from his older song: in the end/eventually
Love is painful, although love is painful
I repeat it like a fool, that’s what I always do
But pain is beautiful It’s same as you
Hope turns into disappointment, hope turns into despair
The deeper love grows, the deeper the pain gets
I make the mistake of thinking and hoping it’ll be different this time
In the end, how many years would have passed? There is no such thing as forever
In the end, were we never meant to be? I am alone again
Barely, barely, barely – I thought I only barely found true love
But in the end, in the end, it ends like this
* My heart is just like the first time but now it’s filled with scars because of you
We keep changing – At your cold voice, I cool down too
We grown so far apart to turn things back, to linger around each other without any feelings
It was so hard that I gifted you with separation and after turning around, I’m fallin without you
In the end, whose fault was it? There is no such thing as love
In the end, is breaking up, losing? I’m tired and I fall asleep
Barely, barely, barely – Is this point barely our last?
In the end, in the end, are we becoming strangers again?
* Repeat
Ye I’m fallin’ without you hey
Let’s go
I didn’t know at first – I liked her empty spot
But after a day or two, I would appreciate her
I didn’t know about myself, I thought I could live well without you
Tomorrow will be different from today – it’s already been 1, 2 years
As much as the hardships of those times, my lingering attachments increase
I pray that things will change as time passes
definite lyrical similarities! could be due to... same songwriter. or same object of gd's affections? either way, LOVE both songs.

or maybe human beings always fall into the same traps, the same ways of thinking, forever going round in circles

Sunday, September 8, 2013

seriously slack sunday!!! and weekend as a whole

 LOVE SLACKING OFF ++

i was actually reading a storybook in bed. HOW RARE IS THAT.

want to buy the new margaret atwood, but am srsly in debt, so....

cv to send referees who me?!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

every single day

survived eopt!! did some productive shopping, then jap food and really yummy sticky date pudding! ive always loved the idea of marmalade pantry for their cupcakes, but ive not really patronised it enough to eat everything on the menu, SO glad we went there today!!

~
came across this pithy quote the other day "if you worry, pray. if you pray, don't worry". 

nowadays my keyword is trust. 

throwing worries at something doesnt mean one can come up with the smartest solution for it. worrying endlessly does NO GOOD AT ALL. 

what i need to do is learn to trust. to realise that when you let go, you can make it better. & sure, God sometimes works miracles. but peace, peace is given freely to all who ask him. it is one of the most precious gifts, and yet so available, if only we seek it. 

Friday, September 6, 2013

another day

malaria presentation = SURVIVED! it was, uh, a very upbeat, happy presentation (looking on the bright side of things), although i think i must have been really sleepy typing all the drug names cos APPARENTLY i had some hilarious misspellings



one of the things dr k whom i really admire ++ said to us was that when she was stressed during training she just held on to those short pithy phrases, usually those saying that one must have hope in God, God will save us, etc. i really LOLed at that cos i do that too. felt such admiration that someone so accomplished & high up can so easily admit to leaning on God, and to admitting to using such strategies to pep oneself up. i think that being close to God just is and there isnt any better or worse way, in our own ways, what do we do, thats enough.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

green rain

i think im pmsing. or maybe it's that i dont actually know how i'm going to survive until sat 330pm without snapping, or snapping at someone. actually im sure i have snapped at people. sigh

also some people really piss me off but i dont think i shld elab further. i guess its just gd to know much to trust people.

anyway i prob cant finish studying, prob cant finish preparing my ppt for tmr, prob cant print the things i need to prep for the weekend thingy, prob cant give any sterling morning presentations, or anything.

i guess i just need to do my best even if it isn't the best by anyone elses standards

and there's something else i must do well, which is impt beyond everything else. and is the hardest.

on the bright side, today i actually managed to present my pt during ward rounds (we all did :)) AND there was suddenly a new case so the con gave us an impromptu tutorial after giving us like 15-20mins to clerk the patient. it was a good case!! reg teaching was illuminating as well, even though i did fall asleep multiple times. hiv pbl was nice too. then we went to seek out our reg to sign our form and ended up having random teaching on choosing antibiotics. plus a random teaching with NPH haha it was actually really interesting!! he asked us what are the types of beta-lactamases we know, and the mechanisms of resistance. and we were just like "uh..........".

i must believe that i will survive! even if it doesnt look v likely right now

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

starburst



gorgeous song

id last week was really so happifying and i learnt so much from it!! this week is inpatient, which means no more 2 hrs to plough through a patient's notes and have house-like discussions until 6pm :( it's quite fast moving, on the ball, and such. not really missing the mad rush to get all the info one needs before people arrive and rounds start... haha. but i quite enjoyed the usual morning documentations reminiscent of 630am ortho starts. like just feeling that i helped out the mo who happens to be covering for a few days, and presenting my thoroughly-prepared-the-day-before spiel on the patients which really helped since she just came and doesnt know the patients. and it was quite fun with the new ho and my cg mates hunting around the storeroom looking for blood culture equipment, kinda like an adventure, lol.

we joined journal club today too which was quite nice, it was on cardiac complications in dengue - essentially, it's not really common, but it's possible for it to happen.

and i did like 1/2 of my residency application. i just need to sort out the transcripts/ my cv/ pray very hard all my referees agree to be referees AND write nice things about me. and figure out 2000 words for ty personalstatement.

okay must sleep now. MUST make it for reg teaching at 8am tmr, it sounds really enticing! and we have like 2 tuts tmr after that.. and then i need to gym.

thurs will be going to kk to put up my poster, fri will be eopt, going to stand by my poster and hopefully not get asked any difficult qns, sat will be going to get back my posteR.

then it will be 2 weeks of revision lectures.... and then MED SIP then PEDS SIP then SURG SIP and aaaaaaaargh mbbs

not worrying & giving it all up to God is something easily said but not easily done. its not just me though, mugging in the student lounge has allowed me to hear lots and lots of angsting and worrying going on from lots of people, including m3s!!!! they're so far removed from all this lor.... to be fair im sure i was uber worried when i was m3 too. but trust me that when you're actually staring at the residency portal it takes on a whole new sheen of urgency and immediacy and in-the-moment-ness.

this whole medicine thing, is meant to be a calling anyway. and i dont think that God would call me to something and then just abandon me halfway in the middle of the ocean, that's really unlikely.
let's go let's go

having quite a lot of fun doing up the malaria presentation now haha
mosquito!

:)