About Me

Friday, February 28, 2014

what is God's will for my life?

lovely article: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/what-gods-will-my-life

There’s the “Random Finger Method.” Whenever you need to know God’s will, close your eyes, open your Bible at random, put your finger down on a verse and then open your eyes to discover His will for your life. Then there's “Astonishing Miracle Method.” Look for a burning bush like Moses found or a blinding light like Paul experienced, and there you will find the will of God. The list goes on. We have the “Cast the Fleece Method,” which requires testing God to see what he wants us to do. We have the “Still Small Voice Method,” which advocates waiting for God to speak in a still, small way. Then we have the “Open Door Method,” which says that if God opens up an opportunity, it is obviously His will for us to take it. Another version of this one is the “Closed Door Method”: if a decision seems difficult, it’s obviously not God’s will for us to make it (for He would never want us to do anything difficult).
With good intentions, we try hard to use various methods to find God’s will. But what if God’s will was never intended to be found? In fact, what if it was never hidden from us in the first place? What if God the Father has not sent his children on a cosmic Easter egg hunt to discover his will while he sits back in heaven saying, “You’re getting colder ... warmer ... colder ... ”? And what if searching for God’s will like this actually misses the entire point of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus?
~
haha actually some of these methods work for me really well!! but i really liked this article for the central point:
The goal of the disciple of Jesus, then, is not to answer the question, “What is God’s will for my life?” The goal, instead, is to walk in God’s will on a moment-by-moment, day-by-day basis.
His ultimate concern is not to get you or me from point A to point B along the quickest, easiest, smoothest, clearest route possible. Instead, His ultimate concern is that you and I would know Him more deeply as we trust Him more completely.
~
:) 

more murakami


my fav quote. describes my life philosophy to a T!
"I’m no great runner, by any means. I’m at an ordinary – or perhaps more like mediocre – level. But that’s not the point. The point is whether or not I improved over yesterday. In long-distance running the only opponent you have to beat is yourself, the way you used to be.” 

on pain
“So the fact that I’m me and no one else is one of my greatest assets. Emotional hurt is the price a person has to pay in order to be independent.” 

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Say you’re running and you think, ‘Man, this hurts, I can’t take it anymore. The ‘hurt’ part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself."

“Of course it was painful, and there were times when, emotionally, I just wanted to chuck it all. But pain seems to be a precondition for this kind of sport.” 

on clouds
“I look up at the sky, wondering if I'll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don't. All I see are indifferent summer clouds drifting over the Pacific. And they have nothing to say to me. Clouds are always taciturn. I probably shouldn't be looking up at them.” 

cloud watching during math lessons - soul-saving
cloud watching on a clear, sunny day when running = bliss

shall be purchasing 1Q84  the moment surg long ends. need something to look forward to in life man. oh and of course coffee & brunch ;p;p

outrunning the blerch + slaying the kraken + seeking the void = HAPPINESS

OMG. happiest comic ever: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

some of the best parts:
1. there is no marathon wall, only the BLERCH
- a wall is inmovable; the blerch can be outrun; the blerch can be silenced
2. running is a magical shortcut to nirvana [even if u havent actually done anything else all day hehe]
3. feeling like i'd conquered the krakens!!

k i'll let the comic speak for itself. please go read the full thing it's awesomeness! thank you theOatmeal; if i pass mbbs its totally thanks to you :):)


i cant decide which is better. this, or haruki murakami's what i talk about when i talk about running.
“All I do is keep on running in my own cozy, homemade void, my own nostalgic silence. And this is a pretty wonderful thing. No matter what anybody else says.”

Thursday, February 27, 2014

gotta be you

such a pretty way to start the day!!
and no i didnt start my day at 1253 hahaha i only screencapped it then ;p

a pretty picture + my FAV QUOTE OF ALL TIME
and yes, i do know what the second half of the quote is. it's allright, im never very good nor very brave nor very kind. it's still my favorite quote though :):)
 that's just the tip of the iceberg of hemingway quotes, 
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ernest_Hemingway has quite an interesting collection haha


jamming to 2ne1's gotta be you & mugging paeds thyroid & its super sunny outside :)

even if your love ruins me and hurts me
to me, its only you

come back home

hi world just wanted to say 2NE1 is backk!!!! and their music is TOTALLY AWESOME

daebak as the koreans would say ;p

so so so happy right now

perfect mugging music & they are taking over the charts omg exciting ++++ haha this is kinda like supporting a football team. havent felt so excited for a long time about new music except for big bang.

:):)

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

love is

ok i clearly am slacking but

looking at s's photos reminds me that all this is totally his fault; when i was still young & impressionable he told me that he loves so he can write HHAHA thereby justifying years of poetry-churning out for me. thanks ah s hahah. those were really heady days man

OKAY plan for [rest of] today
- CROUP
- EPIGLOTTITIS
- TS
- NF

then sgh for lecture

tomorrow
EVERYTHING PEDS RENAL
mcqs... always say but never do

asterix

hi world,
i think i have bard-in-asterix-disease.
defn: a systemic condition, autosomal recessive, whereby the person has a tendancy to a) write poems b) spread them around to friends and c) hopefully receive feedback/ likes. complications include reduced time for studying, friend fatigue, and incessant checking of social media. associated conditions include foot-in-mouth disease and dislike-for-ortho disease, however, those are only loosely associated.


there are major & minor criteria....
you can have 2 major, or 2 major 1 minor... or 2 minor....

the classifications include
1. writing poems, but does not affect activities of daily living such as studying, practicing long cases, doing mcqs
2. writing and posting poems occasionally takes time away from studying, but person still studies
3. person composes poems in head even when walking uphill/ running long distance/ in the lift to the library, and definitely more than normal people of the same age as the person
4. person still writes poems when sleeping, or bumming. needless to say, takes up to 30mins away from studying to appreciate much-loved poems & send to all the friends one can think of, sometimes even accquaintances one hasnt seen since jc, as long as person knows they have expressed liking for poetry transiently in the past, causing aforementioned accquaintances to be thoroughly odded-out

cross-refer: notes on addiction.

~
LOL hahaha mix of NF/TS criteria & nyha classification ;p i am clearly too free

3.14159



Just like a mediocre drama that you know what lines are coming
I know what you’re going to say to me today
It’s a predictable and typical story

The talks we had all night, your affectionate eyes
Even your clumsy confession, they all hide like a shy diary entry
In our own land of the midnight sun, all of the anxious futures with you
Goodbye, really really good goodbye

At one point, I thought it would be hard to even breathe without you
Back then, I thought you were like a god who made me exist
It’s a little sad but an embarrassing story

Even if I hold onto you and turn your heart around
After that, after that, this will just repeat, oh yeah

Have I gotten tired of endlessly biting my lips and enduring?
Or did I expect too much? I don’t know (I might’ve expected too much)
It seems like it’ll rain tomorrow
Rain on me, who has dried up
Goodbye, really really goodbye

The young times, really really good goodbye (goodbye)
The me of yesterday, really really good goodbye
~

this is such a happy bouncy song! contrary to the subject matter haha.
~
i dont really know how best to say what i think except via the below poem.... the prosaic version would be: finally letting go of all the anchors that have consciously or subconsciously dragged on my soul, however intermittently. for the times i pretended that it didnt matter at all; recognizing that sometimes its a lost cause before u even start but you just dive headlong in cos you're young & stupid & the ocean's waves are just too strong. but one day even if the boom keeps hitting your head, you find some other way. someone comes along & has some extra oxygen & dive equipment for you. & you finally throw away all the rations you've been keeping on your lifeboat; the ones that expired yrs ago anyway... you find that the tigers you've been fighting & making friends with eventually were half-real, half figments of your imagination.

i'll probably delete this one day but, it needed to be said. that it's not a re-writing; it's a new boat; no; i found dry land :) 

this is probably the most personal poem i have ever written (which is saying alot, haha). and one that i definitely wouldnt fb in case of repercussions. but then again, aforementioned repercussions are probably at the bottom of the oceans with atlantis, so... lol. anyway here goes. anyway, i think the specific connotations would probably be lost on anyone but a certain person, so it doesnt really matter. 

i no longer harbour
any fleeting
feelings

those ships have
sailed with the winds
of change

we weathered
hurricanes
and sea-sickness

they anchored me;
taught me how 
to fish

what lines to use
and not to use
and finally

how to swim
without the krakens
getting you

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

:)


on a separate note: REALLY NEED to fix my sleep-wake cycle ASAP

Monday, February 24, 2014

find your soul

slowly getting back on the bandwagon of productivity...

plan for today
1. finish paeds approach to jaundice
2. (try to) finish febrile fits
3. counselling for nnj

tomorrow: tackle weird & wonderful peds neuro conditions - all the spinocerebellar ataxia, etc. ASTHMA the number one common case

i think paeds is going much more slowly cos i think i know it well but theres actually alot i dont know! and there's no easily-digestible overview a-la chings & pradip haha. but. still making progress!
~

slowly crossing lines; why did i say that; then again, over-philosophizing is part of me, haha. 

i remember those nights valiently sweeping my emotions under the carpet; vaccuming up the dust bunnies that refused to stay hidden. somehow pain helps one study better, but happiness just distracts me..

i can't let this distract me!! that would be colossally stupid. just thank God & move onnnn. 

true, pain does drive me more but in the event that i do actually conquer my laziness & get it all together, surely all the happy!vibes (sounds so nic haha we used to send each other happy!vibes) can only bode well for the studying. sort of how plants do well when you put 'em in the sunlight. 

note from the universe

on a slow study day, in the middle of a slow study week, totally what i needed haha. thank you universe, for all the yrs of encouragement:

Practice, eli. Study. Prepare yourself. Think. Act. Face the beasts. Pay the piper whatever dues you think you have to pay. Do the dance, walk the fire, wait in line. Plant the seeds, hoe the field, go to market. Because on the day that you become all that you now dream of becoming... Oh my gosh, there is simply no price that would seem too great. 

It's going to be that good, you're going to be that happy, and it's going to be for so, so long, eli. Guaranteed. 

Tallyho, 
    The Universe


Sunday, February 23, 2014

compass

before mass, i was really rather... distracted HAHA, for many reasons.  i realised that ive been slooowly, very slowly slipping away, 1% at a time. it's not a big slip away or anything, just going down the rabbit-hole of wakeup mug, go to sch to practice long cases or practice virtually with friends, go to sleep, occasionally run or gym to prevent my OWN muscles from atrophying haha. just do that day in day out until the reason for it falls by the wayside

it's not a bad thing to be fully absorbed in work, thats why there is study break (since for med all we ever see is like... SYNCOPE and falls and for peds its usu urti/ ge/ bronchiolitis haha. i mean there are the cool cases that pop into our wards and also there's the crazy hunting for cases that got so intense by the end it was actually hilariously fun. like the last sunday where every corner in kk/sgh that i turned round, i was bound to see a whole gaggle of classmates heh. but we all know the vast majority of cases in gen wards are like that). 

just that every now & then we need to be reminded of the Reason behind everything. today, i was. really felt v encouraged & inspired during mass :) i'm really looking forward to the cmg ho welcome mass + tea. must. get. to. that. day. where i can pledge to do medicine for God's work, & know that truly this is his will. cant think of anything better than that. (of course, then i must go and frantically read up before the first actual day of work. then again, all the frantic reading i'm doing NOW will hopefully stick around too. my approach to mbbs is: APPROACHES & EMERGENCIES) 

~
on a tangential note, ive really been there, done that countless times. i literally cannot count the number of times ive been in this situation before; cant even remember what i said & when; what jokes or anecdotes i told, but chances are: many. the befores & afters. but this is different. i know that this is a whole different thing altogether. recurring theme: God using the same strands & giving me a do-over, one at a time. this time, if i'm not altogether mistaken, i promise to do a good job. a really good job. 

because this is literally a gift from God, yes true, one of many (i really shld stop whining abt my life because honestly i'm blessed beyond belief. although maybe the tradeoff for impt blessings is... doing silly small things on a regular basis?! hahaha well cant have everything ;p) but indeed a gift. its something that i will treasure & treat very well because firstly it comes from God & secondly it's so so hard-earned, but no, more importantly, because of the deep sincerity within it, and of course, our mutual love of coffee

thank you God :) for always giving me a compass for me to find my way back to You

super hero

the funny thing is, even for something that i'd wanted so very much,

when im finally faced with it...

I'M SUPER INDECISIVE

arghhhhdfkj

now dont get me wrong cos it makes me really really happy. there is no doubt about that... i'm just super indecisive omg..

okay i just need to get thru the next 35++ days successfully & pray that i also get all my residency stuff and pass med sch.... then i can think about all this. one step at a time.

ALL THESE WHAT IFS

just had to write this. it's the truth!

espresso

each day of belief turning into truth is something to be treasured. it really is :):)

for the record, i was truly happy today

~

run log: botanics 41min there/ 45 min back

Friday, February 21, 2014

some

baro is SO CUTE in this!! omg.




just for one day

it's funny how some things fill a space in your soul you never even knew existed

in that moment i understood

problem is that i open up to people way too easily & sometimes they too. this probably means nothing to anyone by me but. i've walked these cobblestoned paths before, i remember those nights. for some reason they seem orange-colored; there is always dessert, sometimes it's blisteringly cold & sometimes its sun-soaked. been there, done that. 

i'm re-writing over the poems of my life. i think i like this version better. it's not that i don't care or never did or never will, as much as i'd like it to be. it's acknowledging that its in those grey areas, those blurs of streetlight-lined nights that beauty in life is found. 

oh, for the record, this doesnt include toxic substances that haunt you forever & have absolutely everything wrong with them & make you sound totally obsessive & have so many things wrong with them i have no idea where to start. totally the opposite. i thought about that and thought about this & i think my soul definitely knows which is better

pancakes [v2]

don't go bananas 
making 'em.
no need to
batter yourself
if you don't 
get it right 
first time round

yeah,
sometimes they land you
in sticky situations
particularly 
with bees
or you
might get jammed. 

but
as far as possible
don't flip out-
it's rare
to get them
sunny side up
every time
you try 
~

just for one day, i rewrote over my hard disk. 

but i also concluded that im totally over all this. teenage dreams, yknow. i kinda spent just one too many an hour believing that it would bring eternal happiness. but over the yrs i realised that happiness was never found in such a way when one purposely goes and seeks it out. the funniest thing is that i realised that happiness was paradoxically found when i actually did something selfless or for something other than myself. i didnt have to go hunting for it, it usually found me. 

the only thing i need to go hunting for is jabberwockies, my own wars to fight, my own battles. im clearly more of a feminist than i thought ;p 

& that's my conclusion. thank you, it was a brilliant last symbol to close a chapter. 

Thursday, February 20, 2014

the reason

okay folks. its 2 weeks more now.

i've come a long way since that day i first flew by myself all the way on ba.

it's been a magical if bumpy ride with beautiful amazing scenery of mountaintops, the highest of the highs and the valleys and lots of cloud-watching times in mo rooms with some of the bestest companions i could have ever asked for heh.

i think that i only survived cos of all those people who would sit around cloud-watching with me & listening to my bad poetry & telling me they like it. to all of these people, i promise to treat you guys to the best waffles in sg one day. once i find out where they are. i cannot thank you enough for ensuring my sanity.

and of course: God.

i am of the utmost belief that God must have a reason for giving me a rainbow after the rain.

so in order to start making good to Him on my promises on 1st May 2014, i need to rev myself up & do everything i can.

my dad told me this the other day "last time you were studying for yourself. this time you're studying for the patients (presumably the ones i'll see the first day of work. LOL)"

this time i'm studying for God.

ps: to my past self 4-5 yrs ago: people keep throwing shiz at you but you are doing a great job. you are an awesome friend & daughter and you are fulfilling everything expected for you.  when i read back on the emails you sent then, it becomes crystal clear to me. why you did what you did. you are going to do something really brave but its going to be the best choice you ever made. it's going to be a little difficult and awkward for a little while but once you get over that hump of activation energy, it's going to be the best time of your life. you're going to no longer live in fear of things beyond your control and what others think of you, you're going to give it all to God & he'll give you boundless blessings & grace beyond what you ever imagined. he's also going to answer alot of small random prayers you prayed, not to mention the big ones you prayed those nights looking out over the rooftops in your room. he heard those prayers. i promise. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

caffeine buzz

hello,
i just want to say that i dont know what i did to deserve this happiness. i really dont know. yrs of bridging fibrosis & im not ready to believe, that's for sure. but the facts were as such: the past and the present are totally different kettles of fish. the old fish were shellfish. the new ones.... i'll have to wait & see.

what did it was the pun. haha. that always gets me everytime.

something about these days, makes me feel like God is telling me he will paint over my past misdeeds; past heartbreaks; and pour new wine into new wineskins.

your mercies are new every morning

aqua imagery

spent an enjoyable few hours collating my poems into a mini collection. i shall call it ELECTRIC COWS. hehh

so happy~

yes i should study.

i also posted on wb after yrs.... posted my new fav poem! haven't posted anything there for so long, really miss that place. heh remembering a&r & their awesomeness. haven't talked to them for years, but even if our paths diverge, i'll never forget them & the influence they had on my life re writing, general funkiness & outlook on life :) also, for enduring my endless ramblings HAHA (but that does tend to be common to all my friends ;p)

ok must fix dm long case then go. really. yup.

standing still

a few things to remind myself of 
- dont settle
- God will bring the right guy along and it will align. and if He doesn't, then that's the way its meant to be & accept it. but thus far i do still believe he will send someone along. heh. and by aligning, everything has to align. not just halfway. 
- there was once i did something that i regretted for awhile but now, my way of thinking has changed, and i dont regret it one bit. i can't lie at all and, i must love wholeheartedly, if not, there's no point at all

for a while i thought that maybe it's more dangerous when you love someone, when just the thought of them jaywalking across your mind makes you happy even years after when you more than shouldn't anymore; or even legitimately crossing with zebras and all

but i think that, no. some people may choose to be loved over loving. but i choose to be the one that loves more. 

and i truly do believe even to this day that God is going to come through & it's going to be awesome. and if not... uh i'll go apply for cardiothoracic surgery!! lol

i'm not lovelorn BTW haha, i just want to write this to remind myself to make the right choices day by day, to not take what seems like the easier route :)

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

if that were you



this song is sooo pretty!!
even if i dont understand it without eng subs

aim for today
1. mug dka & dm [not that i dont already know it just to memorize all those fiddly numbers]
2. mug cushing's, acromeg etc [i used to love this so much when i was in year 2; made so many pretty notes about endocrine. no wonder my endocrine pathophys is much better than that of any other system HAHA. i rmb i seriously wanted to be an endocrinologist at one point when i was in yr 2. and i ended up doing a 2 weeks endo elective with one of the best and nicest endo depts in sg. God really answers even the smallest prayers sometimes :)]
3. study warfarin counselling. seems impt.

OKAY if i can do those three things i'll be a happy fish.

yeah yeah low standards for productivity LOL


starfish theory

didn't mean to take a break today, but it was a good break :)

chillaxing, dreaming about winter skiing, reading about love on thoughtcatalog. LOL.

tomorrow i will rev up again!

~
another thing - if God wills it so, then let it be so. i've learnt that everything will align if it's meant to be. so far it's aligning. even if yes even if no, im v touched in any case :)

Friday, February 14, 2014

so cute

only available means of transportation


waking up before noon
long case practice!
gym later
imma happy girl

things to finish today
1) approach to chest pain + emergency mx for mi [just mug it all]
2) approach to syncope 

then i'm free to gym!!! whoopee

Thursday, February 13, 2014

random thoughts ver 100

1. just had some chocolate. YUM. i is so happy now
2. readin through my archives, particularly the posts tagged #LOL or #happiness really makes me feel so happy! ahaha i wonder why huhh. med sch really seems like such rollicking fun when you filter it like that. which it is really. forcing oneself to knuckle down before exams isnt that much fun though but it's all good when & if you survive that lol. on that note id like to clarify that studying in itself can be pretty fun but i have a tendancy to jump from topic to topic. like today i was supposed to study neuro but got sidetracked by wanting to type out an LFT lecture and then suddenly i was doing approach to jaundice which ok is impt too... then before id done more than like 1 para i was like hmmm there is approach to diarrhoea + ibd in this ppt too! and then i went to take a nap. you get the idea ahahaa. to make myself sit down & finish something from start to finish is very.... possible, just not entirely pleasant ;p but all these are impt topics too! and conclusion: med sch is indeed awesome

3. impt things to remember: 
Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.
In vain you rise early
    and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
    for he grants sleep to those he loves.

psalm 127

stardust



all my life i have seen
where you've taken me
beyond all i have hoped
and there's more left unseen
there's not much
i can do to repay all You've done
this is my desire
this is my return
this is my desire
to be used by You

50 more days til i can make good on my promises :)

into the light

I was stranded in shadows 
It was all I ever knew 
I was pushed down in the darkness 
Lost all hope of breaking through 

But love was on a mission 
And I never will forget the day 
You woke my heart up 
You made me brave 
You lifted my eyes 
And called me by my name 


Come on, come on out of the darkness 
Come on, come on out of the night 
No more, no more living in the shadows now 
Step into the light 

When I was shaky, You were steady 
Like a lighthouse off the coast 

Always willing, always ready 
To lead this wandering heart back home 
And now I still got bruises 
And scars don’t lie 
But they’re the proof that 
I got a second chance at life 
There’s a break in the clouds 
Night turns to day 
All my fear melts away 
into the light - matthew west 

says it better than i ever could :) 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

1am

it's 1am, typing out my gastro notes, had a productive lecture (for me, since i missed the first time the lecture was given), first gym in a long long time & a nice catch up session with nat :) haha i'm really SO glad she's in duke so we can have all these med sch conversations on b/g of persistent littiness + punniness + common friends.

feeling blessed randomly :)

Monday, February 10, 2014

thank you Lord (for the trials that come my way)



Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,

And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.
'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.
~

the full song lyrics! i posted the last stanza a while back, but i think im not quite there yet... everything's not yet in place HAHA. still in the process of growing & tamping down my human nature. 

beautiful song :)

love alone is worth the fight



I' m trying to find where my place is
I'm looking for my own oasis
so close I can taste this
the fear that love alone erases

so I'm back to the basics
I figure it's time I face this
time to take my own advice
love alone is worth the fight

And I never thought it come to this
but it seems like I'm finally feeling numb to this
the funny thing bout shame is
you forget what the reason you were playing the game is

so I'm heading down the open road unknown
and we find what we're made of
through the open door
is it fear you're afraid of?
what are you waiting for?

Thursday, February 6, 2014

baby bears

i managed to finish 79 osse qns!! feeling super proud of myself. hahaha. it was so torturous to wake up at 6am today to catch the day surg cases. SO torturous, but pretty worth it. i think the funniest part was when we thought this uncle had a trigger finger cos i had a parallax error when looking at the list but actually he had something ELSE. so i was wondering why his finger wasnt catching & asked him why he came for op... he pointed at some lump somewhere on his hand *cue oHHHHH*... at this point the hand surgeon comes in to chat with him. us: oh sorry!! and begin to zhao but the very nice dr starts to give us a mini tutorial. "so what do you think it is? *beams widely*. 

hahahaha quite funny to see his look of exasperation when i confessed that actually we had been examining as per trigger finger LOL. i contemplated singing one of the songs for lumps but since we didnt really examine it properly, best not to risk it haha. he was super nice & walked us thru lots of stuff though. and he was like "its okay! this is an impt lesson to learn, never go into exams or clinics with a pre-formed impression!" haha actually he's d's ortho tutor during electives. SUPER NICE GUY. 

after that he went to see the REAL trigger finger patient and we traipsed along to join. i have a feeling he wanted to laugh haha. 
anyway, last eopt tomorrow, i sincerely hope. 



So many people today are living uptight, worried and anxious about the future, filled with frustration and concern. In the natural there may be good reason, but understand, that is not God’s best. God doesn’t want us to live in anxiety and frustration; He wants us to live in peace. You can find rest in Him knowing that no matter what is happening around you, God Almighty has His hand on you.

The next time you’re tempted to worry or be anxious about something, remember this verse. God invites us to come to Him. In fact, the Bible says He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. But notice, we can’t just come to Him any old way. He wants us to come to Him with a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving. Begin by simply saying, “Father in heaven, thank You for the privilege to come before You. Thank You for hearing my prayers.” As you come to Him with an open and humble heart, He will hear you and fill you with His peace and joy all the days of your life.


here we go :):)

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

coffee bean sign

the famed surg long case analysis is over!! lately ive been feeling rather, uh burnt out so it didnt really hit me til the past 2 days that... SURG LONG CASE test is approaching.

*cue desperate prayers to pass*. and indeed my tutor was super nice!! i guess i must have seemed really nervous cos he told me "dont worry you'll pass" and told me how to present better with keywords and all for mbbs. super nice guy. the patient was really nice too. i told him multiple times i am having KAO SHI.

literally prayers answered.

at this point, i think it's safe to say that i'm not going to be on the dean's list, HAHA. so my aim is quite literally to pass everything, then pray really hard that i get some form of residency, then pray that i survive my grad trip without getting lost in a foreign country (the number of bus and train rides i've got lined up....). then pray that my patients survive me when i actually start working. lol. sounds complicated

on the bright side, i feel quite sure that i can write the plans for the clerking sheet. yay for gs calls.

on another happy note i realised i have had the fortune to see quite a few pts with sigmoid volvulus during my colo sip! for the unitiated the axr will have a COFFEE BEAN SIGN.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

rah

good things first
1. trip planning makes me happy
2. making good progress mugging vascular

the rest
1. this... physical ennui is really getting to me, to cut out tmi. suffice it to say: VERY ANNOYED
2. WANT to go for a run or something, but due to.... the PHYSICAL ennui, v difficult to.
3. MY LONG CASE ANALYSIS IS ON TUES. NOT PREPARED ++

Saturday, February 1, 2014

wonder

just read a post by the aptly named GCS15, a female neurosurgeon, about one of her patients who managed to conduct a full scale opera 2 yrs after an SDH + neurosurgery & was incredibly touched to read one of the comments which said "this is a wonderful story written by a wonderful doctor" & went on to talk not only about how the patient himself had touched many people by his faith and musical skills, but also how the neurosurgeon herself had, using her God-given skills, given the commenter's own family members several years more of happiness and life

truly inspiring. to be able to use your God-given skills to bring more years of life to people

although i dont think God has given me the skills to be a neurosurgeon, i hope i can use whatever talents i do have to do the same, someday

someday meaning not today where i am bumming around lost in lack of motivation sigh

cny

i made the yu sheng this year!! quite fun after all. 

honestly speaking every year i am really -_- about cny and i get sometimes v annoyed abt all the beliefs & superstitions that are part & parcel of it. ESP this yr when i should be mugging like crazy, i really was so annoyed that i had to head back to spring clean instead of going to see more cases. BUT then comes the whole thing abt God will provide thing. well i have a suspicion my parents are following the cny rules to honor THEIR parents haha but technically, by doing the stuff anyways, i'm honoring my parents & that's more impt than saying oh these are chinese customs & we are christian!! not that i say it directly, just alot of hyperca2+ groans & moans and LET'S GO HOLIDAY DURING CNY NEXT YR comments. haha. never knew i could find God in cny too. but i guess, God is in all things :) so i did the stuffs and i PERSONALLY grated the yu sheng

then spent whole of today lusting over pics of croatian waterfalls. i still stand by the belief tt if it's meant to be the perfect airline prices will pop up (so says the person who missed the airfrance deal while poring through bus schedules between plitvice lakes & dubrovnik). my indecision & the by now over-quoted jimmychoo event LOL. 

mugging recomences tomorrow! along with first gymming session in a MONTH. 

& happy cny folks :)