About Me

Monday, March 24, 2014

Sunday, March 23, 2014

some happy things

1. the geri marks; an affirmation that i'm on the right path - that's where i learnt for the first time to see God in my patients :) and btw i had no intention whatsoeverr to impress since i have zero interest in geri haha. somehow the morning prayers as i took that long walk to the ward really worked (yes. it was that long a walk, and i was usually rather sleepy)

2. getting a paeds case with the same condition as my most inspirational patient ever.

3. getting the fbinvite to the cmg ho welcometea. i def want to start off my medical career with dedicating it to God and to thank him for (hopefully) helping me make it through (assuming i actually finish revising long case haha)

4. doing offering today! i liked the songs too :)

ispahan

2 days more!! usually with exams, i just want to get them over & done with & can't wait to start on the huge backlog of things i have to do after them

but for this one, i want time to stop so that i can study more lol. or a time turner. either would be good. anything that gives me one more day of rest before contining the marathon is right up my alley. but of course, i need to start up the engine again...

something that has been on my mind lately is that exams bring out the best & worst of people; i must say that i've gotten to know lots of people better during this time, made more friends & been pleasantly surprised at the kindness of people. i really do like this sense of camaraderie, of we're all in it together. i mean also human follibles do come into light as well but yknow that's something that's ever-present in life! so not too surprising really. haha. oh and i must say, i liked the impromptu prayer group in md6 :)

this is really the last lap. time to sprint now

Friday, March 21, 2014

the milky way cafe



just a little bit more
i will fight til the end
but my confidence is not in my human determination, for i have learnt a long time ago that that is insufficient
it is in God, who saves, every time. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

butterfly

have survived all the exams up until this point, with God's grace, even when i didn't see how i could do it. 1 day to study for surg & ortho after focusing way too much on med + paeds, is a case in point. luckily i did take 3 days after med theory to do ortho & lucky that we were at nuh for surg as our last posting and got drilled excellently in terms of theory plus all the extra teachings.

last 2 exams coming up! with God's grace, we will cross the finishing line :)


Tuesday, March 18, 2014

understanding


grateful for today,
although i didnt get everything correct, based on the amount i managed to cram in my head yesterday, i'm really surprised i managed to do this paper at all. also thanks to the kind exam setters. 
need to mug it properly for longs tho, cannot have foot in mouth syndrome then...

Monday, March 17, 2014

when you feel like giving up

 just pray.



ok, so it wasn't very smart study planning on my part, as i have discovered today
one day for all of surg and ortho is obviously not enough. haha
2 weeks ago before the exams began i DID know my surg well but ummm now...
i really hope... no, i know God will help me. well, i'm definitely doomed if he doesn't. 
here goes
when we think it's too late, God says "i still have a plan"

Friday, March 14, 2014

d-1


i have fought the good fight,
i have kept the faith

God will bring me over the finishing line

Thursday, March 13, 2014

holding on to gravity

i have a hundred things to do today

something i realised is that... no matter how we try, we will never be worthy. it is only by God's grace that we will be worthy. so the same goes for this. i was wrong in thinking that i need to prove myself;  i dont need to prove myself to anyone. there is nothing wrong in praying for God to pull me over the last hurdle that i can't jump by myself, nothing wrong in hoping that he will grant me yet another miracle & drag me across the doorstep at the last minute. well except maybe that His usual style is to pick me up & land me nicely on the other side, smelling like roses. heh. we pray in desperation, just to clear the yardstick by 1mm, but in his mercy & grace what actually happens is he carries you over the finish line, and you realise you've cleared it by a mile.

there are so many times in life that human determination is worth nothing at all. and the only way out, is God's way.


spread your wings

beginning to feel lassitude ++

wonder what's the mangement of lassitude.

for me, i literally need to watch dramas/ movies in the background (last ditch resort). haha used to do this with greys or house.

practiced shorts with a friend over webcam yesterday, nearly died of embarrassment. wanted to fix my shorts but shortly zzzzz. oh well. haha

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

abstractthinking

in the middle of this all, randomly having to settle some projects

but it's good inspiration. reminding me of why i'm doing all this. God willing if i'm suitable for that subspec & if He really calls me there, i hope to be there one day. if not, i think just being allowed to present at that conference would be a miracle & a lifelong honor.

my pretty poster also reminds me of God's grace & providence in somehow giving me the strength and determination to plow through with making it in between postings and in writing the abstract in a guesthouse in korea in my only 1 week break between m4 and m5 haha. it's such a pretty & colorful poster i love it!


please God, if it is your will, may this project be accepted :)
if not, please help me not to be too embarrassed & my research mentor not to think me too chui, HAHA 
(yeah i always have backup prayers cos i'm me!!)

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

ortho mugging

so i searched my laptop for ortho stuff hoping to dredge up some useful revision materials and i got... one osse ppt and this

hahaha. it's cute though!

Monday, March 10, 2014

monday mornings

mugging hand shorts, status post awesome brunch of bacon & eggs :) woke up to a barrage of whatsapp msges from friends im going to study with in sch later & my snr telling me whats prostate in chinese. HAHA.

looking for some inspiration, i searched my phone bookmarks for the door of faith website which was responsible for much enlightenment the past yr... and it struck me that although i started out my geri posting last yr feeling not very interested, it was actually one of the best postings in med school, because it taught me to see God in my patients. one of the blogposts is about this guy who initially didnt want to give a poor homeless guy money to buy food but then kicked himself after remembering the thing about "i was hungry, you gave me nothing to eat/ i was naked, you did not clothe me/ whatever you did for the least of one of those brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me". & he was given a second chance to help another hungry & homeless guy! i mean, i'm defo not going into geri next time becos my personal capacity doesn't lie there haha, but the lessons it taught me are definitely priceless :)

now just to study harder so that i dont do more harm than good when i do help my patients. *coughbloodculture*

(dear God please give me a second chance, thank you.)

Saturday, March 8, 2014

list of good things about today

1. went to mass
the first line of the sermon was "i love running in the botanics" and the last line was "Do not fear, for God is with us" 

WHOA

2. bacon and sausages for dinner = YUMMY!!

fish

post osce, i came straight home and googled "God is bigger than your mistakes", hoping to find some source of comfort for my colossal stupidity. 
this is what i found &... i quite like it. haha. THE FISH WAS ACTUALLY SWIMMING JONAH BACK TO SAFETY. i know we all feel like shit now, well i sure do. but whether they have mercy on us or not, i think that our batch is going to be super obsessive from now on regarding this & because of this, we will be safer doctors. i know i will. if i ever become one, at this rate. and i like this bit too "i wonder what direction the fish would have gone in if Jonah hadn't found some thankfulness?" so anyway. it's really difficult & painful to give it all up to God & trust him when common sense tells you that things arent looking too good. but it's also when you dont have much hope left, that you only have God left to depend on. human beings come and go, they tell you what you want to know. God alone can save. even if we come out smelling like fish guts, we'll come out alive. sigh, i always used to come out of my sticky situation smelling like roses. haha. I'M OK WITH FISH GUTS as long as there's dry land!!
~
enjoy!
God speaks to Jonah and tells him to go to a place called Nineveh, and tell them to all repent. This would be a lot like coming to someone in World War II and telling them to go to Nazi Germany, find Hitler, and tell him he better start acting Christian, or God is gonna smash him into a greasy spot on the sidewalk.
So Jonah does the only reasonable thing, and he gets on a boat heading the other direction from Nineveh. A storm blows up, and all the men on the boat start praying to other gods, and they find out a little too late those gods aren’t real enough to stop them from sinking and drowning. 
They work out that Jonah was the one who made God angry, and they realized they were all going to die because of him. One thing to note here: there’s no such thing as a sin that only effects you, it will eventually hurt those around you in some way
Now even so, these men, who didn’t even know about the One True God until a second ago, are too respectful of this new God to throw Jonah overboard just to save themselves. That is, they believed in God’s power more than Jonah did. 
But eventually Jonah convinces them to throw him overboard anyway, and sure enough, the seas became calm. …And then a giant fish swallows Jonah. First God sends him on a suicide mission, then a storm at sea, and now a fish eats him! Now if it was me, I might take that moment to complain just a little bit, but Jonah doesn’t, he says:
“I will sing a song of thanks. I will do what I have promised. Lord, you are the one who saves.” Then the next verse reads like this:  “The Lord gave the fish a command. And it spit Jonah up onto dry land.”
Don’t miss the point here: They were way out to sea when they thew Jonah overboard, so the fish wasn’t a punishment, it was actually swimming Jonah back to dry land. The mission wasn’t a suicide (as we find out in Jonah chapter 3), the storm was just to stop him from making a terrible mistake, and the fish was the world’s first submarine ride back to safety. 
I’ll bet right now you’re dealing with some kind of pain, some kind of problem that you can’t seem to get away from. And I’ll bet it feels like a curse of some sort. It maybe feels like God isn’t looking out for you. But God is going to use these tragedies.
God will do something amazing with you, even if you head in the exact wrong direction (I mean, you may come out smelling like fish guts, but still).
And let’s make note of this: God never rebukes Jonah for what he did. God understood (obviously) why Jonah was afraid, and God simply reminded Jonah how things work. It was a strong reminder, yes, but there’s reason to be thankful when you’re getting swum back to shore.
The thing I wonder about is: what direction would that fish have gone in, if Jonah hadn’t have found some thankfulness?

on the merits of sleep

i consciously know that im not going to be prepared enough.

unless we just get 5-6 angry pts tomorrow and dont have to mention a word of content. and dont have to do a single procedure. well. i guess i can probably do blood taking on the manniqeuin (i certainly hope so). 

just going to look at the paeds prescribing ppt, and sleep. 

"Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. 

"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves."

never were truer words said


Friday, March 7, 2014

every morning

it's a new day
His mercies are new every morning so
dont get hung up over yesterday's mistakes
well, at least TRY not to
haha

dear God, would you send some rain?
cause the earth is dry & needs to drink again
surely you can see that we are thirsty & afraid?
but maybe not, maybe not today
maybe you'll provide in other ways
...
we'll give thanks to you
with gratitude
for lessons learnt in how to trust in You
that we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
in abundance and in need
and if you never grant us peace
But Jesus, would you please...
- Nichole Nordeman, Gratitude

i love this song :) something about how the speaker is willing to thank & trust God even if the peace doesn't come immediately. trusting that one day, in His time, it will come. thanking Him for the all the blessings that have already come her way. but in the time of need, still saying, dear God, i dont know if you will help me today, and i mean, i understand if the help doesn't come but... if you could spare me some, i really do need it; please be with me today.... 

anyway 2 down, 7 to go. this is difficult for many reasons not least because every paper is impt too no matter what the percentage is and you need to be mentally psyched up for every paper, at your best, not to let anything slide, and psyching oneself up for 1-2 papers is quite exhausting already let alone 9.... but in the middle of all these, random pockets of inspiration & encouragement really makes things better. like random juniors msging me to tell me good luck hahaha thank you guys :) 

ok off to mug paeds ordering. actually after the last paper i just knew it was bad, much worse than mcq. much worse & everyone kept saying it was easier, uh, somethings very wrong here... but after that when i objectively counted the marks lost, ok, its not as bad as i thought. no deans list def HAHAHA but when was tt ever the case anw. and i mean, the day before studying [dm cpg, peds epilepsy, uti, heart failure..] was quite high yield haha. so it could defo have been worse. as casting crowns sings... i will praise you in the storm :)

Thursday, March 6, 2014

the sun is rising

just look beyond the clouds
the sun is rising
whatever you're facing
there's a promise for the ones who just hold hold
even when you can't imagine how
how you're ever gonna find your way out
when you're drowning in your doubt
just look beyond the clouds
~

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

always spring

1 down, 8 to go

i can do this!! really grateful to God & to the people who have been encouraging me & praying for me & sending me their best wishes and asking me how the paper went, sometimes i feel the pple around me are more worried than i am HAHA.

its always difficult to mug for a paper the evening of another paper SIGH. well tonight if i study anything, i must at least make sure i read the diabetes cpg, heart failure cpg, and mug from paeds... electrolytes & epilepsy. and this is not spotting qns ok. this is called "things i always intended to study but just never got round to"

~
:) thank you for all the encouragement & for sth to look forward to when all this is over. it really is so nice, not to be just be giving myself self-motivating I AM E AND THEREFORE I CAN DO THIS which kinda gets old & anyway more than half of it is there i go but for the grace of God so technically this i am so determined i can climb any mountain thing is... slightly inaccurate. i dont doubt my determination but sometimes it gets exhausting heh. and not very believable... anyway...i dont know how i can possibly shower back the same level of happiness & win but if ever this comes to pass & God willing, i promise i shall try the best i know how. 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

i still believe


all that i am


one more day

haha, just what popped into my mind when i woke up and saw all those ONE MORE DAY posts on fb
"i've heard a song similar to this before!!"

this always gives me comfort for some reason. 

~
happy note: finished >100 mcqs over breakfast even before the day hit 10am!!
now off to mug poisoning & ID
then psych
what a weird combi of things to mug -_-
~
thank you God for everything, i don't know how to repay your graces & blessings
thank you for giving me friends who help me with mcqs despite being seriously post-call hahaha 
thank you for healing my heart after all these yrs
you remembered what it felt like for me to grit my teeth & keep on running in the snowstorms; on the day hailstones came; what it was like to study cardio feeling like my heart was getting frostbite
no matter what happens, thank you God for i feel like i'm drinking hot chocolate by a warm fireplace 

Monday, March 3, 2014

can't stop



good mugging music
cantstopdon'tstop

Sunday, March 2, 2014

happy

list of cafes i shall go to after 29th mar 
1. WILD HONEY
2. department of caffeine
3. carpenter & cook
4. necessary provisions
5. riders cafe
6. marmalade pantry [at the stables] 
7. choupinette [next to coro!!] 
8. drips bakery


i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength


first it was #100daysmore... then around 33+ days, i installed a countdown app on my phone
where were the days going?
but through it all, surprisingly i didn't freak out or go into massive mugging lockdown mode
well i didnt slack off either, but compared to myself, i didnt totally panic either [which i have totally done before and am totally capable of heh]. 
for that, i think it must really be God's grace helping me to keep calm & slowly but thoroughly plough through all the things i need to study

it's now THREE DAYS MORE including today & all the chillaxing, while good for sanity & the preservation of my soul, means that there is SUPERALOT more to do aurgh. 

well, at least i know all is well with my soul. there really isnt anything worse than running until your lungs burst & trampling on all the dandelions along the way & you reach the finish line & there's absolutely nothing in sight. 
you have to know what race you're running, what you're running for, and never stray off the path
just keep on going, s'long as it's the RIGHT PATH
very very impt. 
ok. at least im kinda on the right path this time. haha. i think. 

just keep running
it doesnt have to be the fastest or best run of your life
you'll probably get blocked by dogs, as ever
people will see you zig-zagging across the meadows &
it'll look really funny
but as long as you run to win the right race, 
it's going to be okay. 

nowadays, i run slower too
i train less
the fast-twitch & slow-twitch muscles have totally atrophied
but at the end, i still reach that white gate &
see the garden lit up beautifully at night
who knew that fairyland could actually exist
the only thing is
the pesky ants on the bench
somehow that makes the perfection seem more humane; achievable. 

i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength

"when you saw only one set of footprints
it was then that I carried you"

newton's apple/ memories of a stranger

loving nell's new album :)

i slayed a kraken today ran to botanics! 37mins there/ 45 back *proud of self*

apart from that... uh i woke up really late, did some mcqs & finished the entire collated osces set!

ok, not too bad. heh. now i'm unable to conquer my sleep cycle SIGH so might as well mug HTN properly once & for all

in other news the medreg on fb is... onto poetry?! lol

~
the best analogy i can give is that of chestnuts roasting over a warm fire. i think such lovely things can only come from God. i do like chestnuts. and sweet potatos :)